Over You
by My Quiet Riot
Summary: "But you went away, how dare you, I miss you. They say I'll be okay, but I'm not going to ever get over you." A songfic to "Over You" by Miranda Lambert about Meredith coping with Lexie's death. Includes various flashbacks so there are some happier memories with Lexie alive in them. Rated 'T' for darker themes and because the show is TV-14. (Now complete!)
1. Chapter 1: Memory Lane

**A/N** : Hi again, Grey's fans! Thanks so much to everyone who left such nice reviews on my previous—my first, actually— _Grey's Anatomy_ fanfiction. There are a few flaws, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I said before I would be doing some MerDer work, and I promise I will! But I got this idea for a Meredith- and Lexie-centered songfic, and I really wanna write it. I was randomly listening to Spotify the other day and the song "Over You" by Miranda Lambert came on. If you've never heard of it, it's a country song that was co-written by Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert (who were married at the time) about the death of Blake Shelton's brother. Miranda Lambert is the recording artist because Blake knew he wouldn't be able to perform that song over and over without getting emotional, so he asked Miranda to record it. I actually thought it was just an overly-dramatic breakup song for a while because I didn't really listen to the lyrics, but once I heard the backstory, I fell in love with the song again. The one lyric that gets me is, "It really sinks in, you know, when you see it in stone." Even if you're not a country fan, I'd recommend checking out this song. If you don't want to listen to it, the lyrics are in the story.

Also, just to clear up any potential confusion... The **bolded** words are the lyrics to the song, "Over You" by Miranda Lambert. Anything _italicized_ is a flashback to a previous point in time or a memory of some sort. I know I said before that I prefer first person because it's more personal, I chose third person for this one because I liked how it sounded a bit more detached. Most of the story is more from Meredith's point of view, but the flashbacks/memories are more of an omniscient view (so I can get into all the characters' heads).

Anyways, I'll get on with the story now. This was intended to be a one-shot, but as I kept writing, I kept thinking of more ideas for flashbacks/memories, and it ended up getting way too long. So I am instead splitting up the chapters with a chunk of the song being the main idea of said chapter. It will probably only be 4-5 chapters, but we'll see how it goes. I'm trying to slowly ease into doing longer and longer stories, as I'm still working on getting comfortable portraying the Grey's characters. For now, I hope you enjoy this first chapter!

* * *

 **Weather man said it's gonna snow**  
 **By now I should be used to the cold**  
 **Mid-February shouldn't be so scary  
** **It was only December**  
 **I still remember the presents, the tree,  
** **You, and me**

"By tonight, the temperature will drop significantly, and we might even see a bit of snow. Tomorrow should be warmer, with temperatures reaching the mid-40s..."

Snow.

It hadn't snowed in Seattle for a couple months now, not since Christmas time. The voice of the weather announcer faded into the background, becoming no more than white noise to the main melody of her racing mind. She had the day off of work and was, for the time being, alone in her silent, forbidding house. Derek was at the hospital and Cristina—who, despite claiming she "hated everything about kids," was surprisingly good with Zola—had agreed to watch their daughter for the day. The house—previously so alive with chatter and warmth and laughter—was eerily quiet and felt cold despite the heat from the fireplace. She thought should be used to it by now, the unsettling silence and inhospitable atmosphere. And sometimes she did seem to get used to it. But other times, she missed the constant commotion, annoying though it was at the time. Aside from it being her childhood home, that house had seen quite a strew of roommates and visitors: Izzie, George, Alex, Sadie, Callie, that Ava—er, Rebecca Pope—girl, Lexie, Jackson, and April. Some stayed for a few days, some a few months, some a few years. But in the most recent months before the crash, it had just been her, Derek, Lexie, and Zola. Just the four of them, a nice, generally happy family. There were certainly some disagreements, flaws, and occasional tensions, but for the most part, they were happy. It had been several months—almost a year, in fact—since the plane crash, but she still almost expected her sweet, energetic sister to come bouncing down the stairs and greet her with one of those big, friendly smiles. If she went into the kitchen, she could almost picture Lexie rummaging around in the fridge and cabinets, pulling ingredients out to make something far better than Meredith could ever think of making. The best she could do was eggs, and she sometimes even failed at that. The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips as she remembered the first time she tried to cook—if you can even call making an omelette "cooking"—for her sister.

* * *

 _"So why are you cooking again?" Derek questioned, brows furrowed in both confusion and amusement as she scrambled to clean up the egg she had dropped._

 _"Lexie," she replied quickly, "was having a bad night, and I thought I would do something semi-sisterly." She still wasn't entirely used to the idea of Lexie being in her life, but as Cristina had said, Lexie really had no one. Her mother was dead, her—their—father was a drunkard, and her biological sister lived across the world. That left Meredith as the only blood-related person she really had, and she was a pretty sad excuse for family if she did say so herself. It wasn't that she hated Lexie or anything, she really didn't. She was incredibly nice, in fact, and much to Meredith's initial disgust, she was very hard to dislike. Although she wasn't ready to be all buddy-buddy with her newfound younger sister, she didn't exactly want to entirely isolate her, either. Everybody needs to have someone._

 _Derek looked impressed. "Really?"_

 _"Really," she confirmed, doing her best to ignore his almost-smug grin and nod of approval. She and Derek talked about the new house—well, Derek talked about the new house, Meredith merely listened—while she finished the omelettes. She put them onto plates and slid one to Derek, who looked at it with the slightest twinge of apprehension.  
_

 _"Dude, what the hell is that?" Alex asked, suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway. He scowled down at the plate in front of Derek. Lexie walked in behind him and cast the same, apprehensive and slightly-judgmental glance at what was apparently supposed to be food._

 _"Meredith cooked," Derek stated simply. Then, wanting to make sure Lexie understood the magnitude of this gesture—unpleasant though it was—said, "She wanted to do something nice for Lexie."_

 _"You cooked for me?" her sister asked, head shooting up to look at Meredith._ The corners of her mouth turned upward slightly, but she tried her best to hide her delight. _She glanced down at the plate in front of her: An omelette. Eggs. Great. She was allergic to eggs... But she didn't dare say anything. Her sister had deliberately tried to be nice to her. That was really one of the first (and, thus far, only) indicators of Meredith not completely hating Lexie, and the latter was more excited than she should be._

 _"It's no big deal," Meredith insisted, a bit sheepish. "Just eggs and avocado and... whatever cheese that was in the fridge."_

 _"Oh, I love, uh, avocados," Lexie managed, almost choking on the smell as she took another glance down at the very unappetizing plate of allergy. Man, did she ever have boundary issues. She was about to eat something she was highly allergic to just because she couldn't bring herself to tell Meredith she couldn't eat eggs. Unaware of her allergy, Derek stifled a laugh behind them and picked up his fork, cutting off a piece of the little creation and sniffing it tentatively. Lexie took a bite, chewed, and instinctively furrowed her brow. Not only was she allergic to egg, but this was a very poorly-made omelette._

 _"Is it okay?" Meredith asked cheerily, a rare smile on her face._

 _Swallowing hastily so as not to taste it any longer than she had to, she plastered on a grin and nodded enthusiastically. "Mmhm!" Meredith smiled and turned away to clean up the counter behind her. Once Meredith had turned, Lexie quickly looked at Derek and shook her head, silently warning him not to eat it. Derek studied the egg on his fork again before setting it down._

 _Later in the day, Lexie approached Doctor Bailey, scratching at her enflamed skin. "I think I need some epinephrine," she explained, getting more and more uncomfortable by the moment. Bailey's phone rang and she answered, but Lexie's throat was beginning to close, and she could not wait. "Epinephrine," she repeated in a desperate whisper._

 _"Cart's around the corner," Bailey replied hastily, turning to the nurse in the room. "Can you give her—" The nurse handed her a set of keys and Lexie gratefully took them, nearly running out the door. She hurriedly unlocked the cart and rummaged around, trying to find what she was looking for without completely destroying the contents._

 _"Hey, whatcha looking for?" came a familiar voice, one that belonged to George O'Malley._

 _"Epinephrine," she answered, not bothering to hide her slightly-crazed voice. "I need epinephrine."_

 _"Why?" he questioned, stepping beside her. She silently turned to face him, revealing the rash all over her face._

 _George instinctively stepped back, face contorting in shock. "What happened to you?"_

 _"I'm an adult child of an alcoholic is what happened to me," she rambled in a panic. "I have boundary issues, so when Meredith made me eggs this morning, I couldn't not eat them. I had to pretend I wasn't allergic to eggs, and now I have a rash covering my entire body."_

 _"Give me your arm," he demanded._

 _"I'm co-dependent," she gasped, "my throat is closing up."_ _George injected the epinephrine into her arm, and Lexie flinched. "Ow, and now my arm hurts. Thanks," she added, forcing a smile._

 _The younger girl had spent most of the day trying to hide from her sister, but despite her best efforts, she bumped into Meredith in passing. She had taken her hair out of her ponytail in an attempt to hide her still-aggravated skin, and she quickly ducked her head as she saw the older woman approaching, hoping—for once in her life—that Meredith would ignore her. Meredith, however, took one look at Lexie and voiced her clear surprise._

 _"Lexie! What happened to your fa—... Er, where did that rash come from?"_

 _"What? Oh, I, uh, it's nothing! Nothing, just, uh, I have, er... Allergies, so, uh, I had an allergic reaction, because, you know, that's what happens when you have allergies, you react to, to the allergen." Her sister's expression was one of surprise and concern, and although Lexie was admittedly happy Meredith appeared concerned about her, she didn't particularly want to worry her. "But it wasn't bad! I mean, uh, it looks bad, I know, but it's just a rash. It goes away! And uh, I was having trouble breathing for a while, but it's okay! George helped, he helped me find epinephrine and everything is fine now. Really, it's nothing!"_

 _"An allergic reaction to_ what _?" she persisted, studying Lexie's nervous posture._

 _"I, er... Eggs," she finally admitted in defeat._

 _Eggs... She was allergic to eggs, and Meredith had fed her an omelette a few hours ago. "Lexie!" she exclaimed, clearly surprised. "Why didn't you tell me? I would've made you something else."_

 _She suppressed a shudder at the thought of eating anything else Meredith "cooked." She shook her head, trying her best to offer a reassuring smile. "No, it's okay! Really, the rash goes away in a couple hours. And I, uh, they were fine, the eggs were fine, honestly. They won't kill me, at least not as long as I get some epinephrine... Which I did! So it's fine! I just... Didn't want to cause any trouble, that's all," she finished with a sheepish grin._

 _Meredith let out an exasperated sigh at her rambling sister. "For God's sake, Lexie, telling me you were highly allergic to what I was trying to feed you would not have been any trouble," she scowled, "I was trying to be nice, after all, not kill you."_

 _"Right," she murmured quietly, slightly embarrassed. Had she seriously eaten something she was allergic to because she couldn't break it to her sister? That was a pretty dumb thing to do. "I appreciate it, really. The, uh, being nice thing. I appreciate the being nice thing. But you're... You're right. Sorry... I'm sorry."_

 _Meredith shook her head, still irritated but beginning to feel guilty that she'd caused Lexie an allergic reaction when she had only been trying to be sisterly. "It's fine," she dismissed a bit angrily, "just tell me next time so I don't accidentally kill you, alright? You're lucky you work at a hospital."_

 _"I, I will," she stammered, embarrassment now clear. "I'm sorry..."_

 _Momentary anger subsiding, she felt a bit more guilty now, seeing her drop her head in shame. She hadn't meant to make Lexie feel bad, but she still didn't know this girl—her sister—very well, so the most she could manage was, "It's fine, just warn me if you're allergic to breakfast next time," with what she hoped was a somewhat-reassuring smile. She reciprocated with a sheepish grin before hurriedly ducking her head and scampering off down the hall._

* * *

The humorous memory played in her mind, but the slight smile eventually faded. She absentmindedly glanced around the living room where she sat, half-sitting, half-laying on the couch. Her gaze drifted from the pile of Zola's toys in the middle of the floor to the framed photos above the fireplace to the large windows that opened up to the dull, uninviting sky outside. She stood and wandered over to the fireplace, carefully examining each photo. The first was a picture of her and Derek, shortly after he'd moved into the house with her. They stood side-by-side in the living room, not far from the very place she was standing then. Her head was leaned into his chest, and he had one arm slung firmly over her shoulder. Izzie had _insisted_ she take a picture of the two of them. "It's your first house together!" she had cheerily pointed out. She had rolled her eyes—because a house with several other roommates could hardly be called "a house together"—but Derek, the good sport he was, played along. The next picture was an older photo of her, George, Izzie, Alex, and Cristina—the original five, in her mind. She missed George. He was awkward and a bit weird, but he was a wonderful friend, and he was nice to Lexie when Meredith herself wasn't. And he had given up his life in the most selfless act, yet another name on the list of people Meredith missed. Next was a photo of just herself and Cristina, her person. The latter, in a rare show of affection, had her arms around the former. They both smiled widely, seeming so much younger, and far less dark and twisty.

Moving on, her eyes rested on the next picture. The dull ache she constantly had in her chest spiked slightly, a pang of sadness hitting her. In the frame was a picture of her and Lexie just a couple short years ago. It was taken by Derek inside of Joe's on a night she remembered clearly—well, as clearly as one can remember an evening following a few glasses of liquor. It wasn't a typical drinking night—it was a Wednesday, actually, and it had been one hell of a past-48 hours. So much had happened for all of them—crazy patients and insane surgeries and very little time to relax—so they'd decided to grab a drink before retiring to bed. Alex, never one to pass up booze, had been there, and Cristina even came for a short while. They were both a few drinks in by the time that picture had been taken, and thanks to the alcohol, Meredith's happier, more affectionate side was beginning to emerge. She and Lexie had been talking and joking about nothing in particular, conversation varying from work to their personal lives and back again. Lexie's head was resting on her older sister's shoulder, dark eyes fixed on her with a look of pure affection glinting in her eyes. Meredith looked at her sister with the same expression, her arm slung affectionately around Lexie's shoulder. She didn't remember the night perfectly, as an alcohol-induced haze tossed a light blanket on some of it. But she remembered it well enough, thankfully, because that night and this picture would be two of the biggest things she'd cherish about her relationship with her younger sister.

* * *

 _"Derek, stop taking pictures!" Meredith laughed, slightly dizzy from the side-effects of booze. She tried to lunge at Derek and grab his phone from his hands, but the alcohol slowed her down and she just ended up stumbling forward. Had Derek not caught her, she probably would've fallen on her face. "Seriously," she added, doing her best to scowl, "what if those somehow get back to the Chief or someone at the hospital?"_

 _Derek smirked and held the phone out of Meredith's reach. "Like the Chief will care that a bunch of grown adults are having a little liquor-related fun after two full days of work," he pointed out sarcastically, thus earning an eye roll from his girlfriend. Try as she might, her slightly-drunk self couldn't help the smile that found its way to her face._

 _"Whatever," she laughed, lightly shoving him backwards. Stumbling slightly, she returned to where she had previously sat beside Lexie. They began talking about something insignificant, and Lexie threw her head back laughing at something Meredith said. They continued chatting and laughing about both everything and nothing, minutes turning into hours as the night flew by. At one point, their conversation came to a short lull and they just stared at each other for a few moments. It would have been a little awkward if they were completely sober, but in their slightly-impaired state, it was nice—A silent moment between the two siblings, a moment of appreciation for the relationship that had taken so long to build. Lexie leaned her head on Meredith's shoulder, smiling widely as she looked up at her older sister, affection and warmth clear in her eyes. Meredith happily wrapped her arm around Lexie's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze as she returned the endearing gaze. Lexie closed her eyes for just a moment, contentment taking over her emotions as she nuzzled into her sister. After months of feeling like she had no one, she finally felt like she did have somebody after all._

 _Neither of them had noticed Derek taking the picture, but the day after, when he showed them, they were both glad he hadn't listened to Meredith's request to cease the picture-taking. Lexie had let out a big "Aww!" when she saw it, immediately asking if Derek could print it out for her. Meredith had just stared at the photo and smiled, and even Cristina had admitted—all but quietly and certainly not in front of ever-excited Lexie—that the picture was cute._

* * *

Unable to look at the photo any longer, she turned away from the mantel and surveyed the room again. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, but her gaze eventually landed on the corner of the room where the Christmas tree usually sat. It was now mid-February, and of course the tree had been taken down over a month prior. But as she stared at the corner, she could almost see that big tree with strings of lights and countless ornaments. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see presents under the tree wrapped in shiny paper; she could almost smell the aroma of coffee and hot chocolate wafting through the air; and she could almost hear the cheerful chatter of everyone she loved and Lexie's jovial voice and laugh rising above the others.

Lexie had loved holidays and celebrations in general, but she especially loved Christmas. She loved the bright, colorful lights and the time with family and the chilly breeze and undeniable joy in the air. She had always loved watching as her family and friends opened the presents she had bought for them, and her own eyes would light up whenever she opened a gift, regardless of what it was or if she actually liked it. To her, it truly was the thought that counted. Meredith could've given her a pair of socks and she still would've acted overly-grateful, jumping up and giving her a huge hug as if she'd just received the best gift on the planet.

The Christmas before had been one of the best she could remember, though thinking of it now was always accompanied by a bittersweet feeling. Nothing especially spectacular had happened, but the joy and contentment in the air was enough to satisfy even the darkest of souls. Nobody had known—or even thought—that it would be any of their last Christmases, let alone Lexie's. It had ultimately ended up being Mark's last Christmas, too, and although it saddened Meredith to dwell on, the thought hurt Derek more. That last Christmas with all of them together, they had gathered at Meredith's and Derek's house to eat dinner and exchange gifts. Lexie, April, and Callie had done most of the cooking, and they made sure Meredith stayed far, far away from the food preparation.

She turned to look at the bookshelf where a leather-bound scrapbook rested, and her hand unconsciously lifted to touch the rectangular pendant hanging from her neck.

* * *

 _"C'mon, guys, hurry up!" Lexie squealed impatiently, "We're gonna open presents!"_

 _They had just finished Christmas dinner, and while dessert was in the oven, they decided it was time to open gifts. Mark and Derek were already seated in the living room, reminiscing about a Christmas so many years ago when they were just kids. Callie and Arizona were nuzzled together on the couch, both smiling broadly and speaking quietly to each other. Jackson, April, Alex, Owen, and Cristina—an odd group if there ever was one—sat on the floor near the fire exchanging crazy hospital stories and stories of their own personal lives. Until Lexie announced they were opening presents, her and Meredith were cleaning up the kitchen, talking all the while, and putting the pies in the oven. Even Bailey and Richard appeared to be having a good time._

 _At Lexie's beckoning, everyone began breaking off from their little groups and merging together in the warm living room. Meredith took a seat beside Derek and Lexie plopped down next to Mark, each of their arms instinctively wrapping around the woman next to them. Pure joy was written across Lexie's face as she glanced around the room, taking in the sight of everyone together and the feeling of contentment warming her heart. Everyone took turns going around the room and opening the gifts they had given each other. With each present opened, Lexie's grin grew wider (if that was even possible). Receiving gifts was great and all, but Lexie was one of those people who genuinely got more joy out of watching someone else open a gift than she did receiving one herself—though if an outsider saw Lexie opening a present, he or she would have a very hard time believing that she truly got more excited about gift-giving. Her reaction to a present, no matter what it was, always resembled that of a young girl who had just received the toy she had been wanting all year._

 _That year in particular, Meredith wanted to give her sister something that would convey how much she cared about her. She had asked just about everyone she knew for opinions, and she searched countless stores for just the right gift to give her. Lexie would be thrilled about anything, quite honestly, but considering Meredith had given Lexie fairly generic gifts the past three years—new scrubs; a sweater and scarf that matched her coat; and a CD of a band she liked with a bottle of her favorite wine. Each year had been progressively more personal, but this year, Meredith really wanted to make sure Lexie knew she had spent time picking out the gift. With Derek's help, she had finally settled on a necklace. It was a simple, silver chain with a matching silver bar connecting the ends of the necklace. On the silver bar, the nickname "Little Grey" was stamped into it, creating a tangible indent into the metal. She had also gotten one for herself that said "Big Grey." Though jewelry wasn't really her thing, Lexie had always liked it, and Meredith thought her sister would love that they had "matching" necklaces._

 _"All right, Lex," Meredith said after Derek had opened his gift from Mark, "your turn." She stood, grabbed the silver-wrapped gift, and handed it to Lexie._

 _Grinning up at her sister, Lexie took the package and unwrapped it, eyes lighting up in glee as she opened the box and saw what was inside._

 _"Oh my gosh, aww!" she exclaimed, gingerly removing it from the box and holding it up in front of her and studying it. "This is so cute!" She smiled widely at Meredith with one of the most genuine grins that had ever dawned her face. She stood from her place beside Mark to give her sister a hug, and Meredith stood as well, returning the embrace._

 _"I have one, too," she added with a smile as they pulled away, gently tugging the chain out from under the collar of her shirt. Reading what it said, Lexie's hand flew to her mouth in surprise. Her already-wide smile grew even more, and happy-tears pricked her eyes._

 _"Oh my gosh!" she repeated, throwing her arms around Meredith once again. "That's so sweet, thank you so much! It's so cute!" She was genuinely touched by this gift, as Mer had clearly put some time and thought into it. She appreciated the past Christmas gifts Meredith had given her, of course, and trust her when she said that she_ really _appreciated that bottle of wine after a long day. But she knew her sister wasn't a huge fan of jewelry, and she certainly wouldn't care if they had matching anything; so to her, this gift meant a lot more than just a silver bar on a chain. She undid the clasp and struggled for only a moment to fasten it behind her neck. "Aww, now we match!"_

 _Meredith grinned widely. "You're welcome, Lexie!"_

 _A couple more people opened gifts, and Lexie waited impatiently, leg tapping up and down. She liked watching others open gifts, of course, but after Meredith's gift to her, she was really itching to give hers to Meredith. "Okay, I'm sorry, but I can't wait any longer!" Lexie burst out, jumping up from the couch and grabbing a rectangular-shaped box wrapped in childish Santa paper with a bright red bow on top. "I want Mer to open mine!" Everyone laughed as the girl vehemently shoved the package into her sibling's lap._

 _"All right, all right," Meredith laughed, beginning to tear the wrapping paper off the box. Lexie sat down on the floor in front of Meredith, not wanting to miss her reaction. A few of their friends chuckled at her over-enthusiasm, but she didn't mind. Meredith finished tearing off the paper and opened the box, revealing a leather-bound book with a cheesy-yet-still-cute quote about sisters on the front. She opened the front cover, revealing that picture of her and Lexie at Joe's, the same one that sat in a frame on the mantel. The picture was dated in Lexie's handwriting, a much neater version of what she scrawled on charts at work. Underneath the picture, Lexie had written a note in black Sharpie:_

"Mer,

We both know I kind of suck at talking in a way that easily conveys my point, so I figured writing it down would work better. Plus, this way, when we're both old and GREY (haha, see what I did there?) we can look back and laugh at all of these pictures of our younger selves while we race our wheelchairs down the nursing home halls. Thanks for being a great big sister, I love you!

Love, Lexie"

 _Meredith smiled widely at the animated girl in front of her._

 _"Keep flipping the pages!" Lexie prompted enthusiastically, earning another round of chuckles throughout the room._

 _"Hold your horses," Meredith laughed, eyeing her sister with amusement. "I'm working on it!" Obeying Lexie's ardent command, she continued flipping through the book, revealing page after page of photos and notes written in the same black Sharpie. Most photos were just her and Lexie, but a few featured some of their friends. Lexie wasn't a particularly artsy person, but it was clear that she had tried exceptionally hard to keep everything looking neat. Her handwriting—usually a messy mix between cursive and normal penmanship—looked as though she had taken extra precautions to keep it nice and legible. Each piece of colorful paper she had used to frame the pictures had been methodically cut out using those craft scissors that make a funky edge. Where she had gotten them, Meredith wasn't sure, because they definitely didn't come from her house._

 _"Oh, Lex, this is so sweet, thank you!" she gushed, and Lexie's eyes lit up in joy and she blushed slightly._

 _"I know it's not the best scrapbooking job, but I—"_

 _"No, Lexie, it's great," Meredith interrupted, admiring the hard work that had clearly been put into it. No, it wasn't the absolute greatest scrapbooking, but it was from Lexie, and between the unusually-neat handwriting, carefully-cut paper, and meaningfully-placed decorative embellishments, she had clearly put a lot of thought and heart into it. "I mean it." She paused for a moment, suddenly remembering something. "So is this why you've been getting so jumpy and irritable every time I've gotten near your room for the past month?"_

 _Lexie blushed as everyone in the room laughed. "Heh, well, that might have had something to do with it. Sorry," she laughed, "I didn't want you to see it before today."_

 _"I guess I'll let it slide this time," she laughed jokingly, both sisters standing to give each other another hug. "Seriously, though, thank you. This is so thoughtful."_

Lexie smiled contentedly, eyes sparkling in triumph. "You're welcome, Mer."

* * *

The most recent Christmas had come and gone, but none of them had really felt the full "Christmas spirit" like in years past. Everyone again gathered at Meredith's house, but this time, Lexie and Mark were missing, and it just wasn't the same. The holiday that Lexie had loved so much was just another stinging reminder that she wasn't there to spend it with. She gingerly pulled the scrapbook off of the shelf and slowly began flipping through the pages, a bittersweet smile finding its way to her lips as she looked at picture after picture of her and Lexie over the past few years. She hadn't noticed when Lexie originally gave it to her, but most of the pictures—all but one, actually—were of the two of them in normal, every day clothes. In this book, they weren't two doctors who happened to be sisters—they were two sisters who happened to be doctors. Their professional relationship was on display for everyone to see, and while at work, they really only had time to be co-workers, not sisters. There wasn't much room for sisterly bonding when people's lives were on the line. But when they weren't at work or on call, when they were allowed to change out of those blue scrubs and relax, they were sisters again. Their personal relationship had taken a while to build—a regrettably long while, mostly due to her own reservations—but in the most recent years, they had become closer than either of them would have ever thought going in. Hell, they had gotten so close that Meredith even gave Thatcher—their father, a drunkard, the man who had walked out on Meredith and her own mother when she was only a toddler, a man she had spent much of her childhood and adult life resenting—a piece of her liver so her poor, sweet sister wouldn't lose the only parent she had left. The one picture where they were in their scrubs had been taken in the resident's locker room, shortly before Meredith was to be prepped for the liver transplant. Meredith and Lexie had been arguing, and Derek stood just outside the doorway listening, out of sight but still within ear-shot.

* * *

 _"Are you sure you want to do this, Mer?" Lexie asked for probably the tenth time. A liver transplant wasn't a rare surgery by any means, but it was a complex operation, and there were some risks (which, as doctors themselves, they were both well aware of). Any slew of complications could arise, and the worst case scenario could result in death. Even with a successful surgery where everything goes smoothly, significant pain for the donor—Meredith—would be inevitable for at least a couple weeks following the procedure. She had practically begged Meredith to do the surgery—the teary-eyed, please-do-this-for-me type of begging—but as the days before the surgery grew closer, Lexie began to realize just how much she was asking of her sister. Though a liver transplant wasn't classified as particularly high risk, it was a complex, five-hour surgery, and her older sister was all-but putting her life on the line for her. Not for the man receiving the liver, the one whose only childhood memory of him Meredith held was of him pouring her cereal in the mornings. No, Meredith had made it very clear that she was going through with the operation for Lexie's sake. Although she was truly touched that Meredith would give a part of herself to the man who had hurt her so badly, all so she didn't have to lose her father, that was also a cause for anxiety on Lexie's end. What if something went wrong and Meredith got really sick, or even worse? She would never be able to forgive herself, she decided, if anything went wrong. Considering it was her idea in the first place and she had so feverishly pushed for it, it would truly be her fault if something happened._

 _"Yes, Lexie," Meredith answered impatiently, beginning to get irritated. "I am sure."_

 _"Because I mean, this is a complex surgery, and what if something goes wrong? Like really, really wrong. It's, it's a risky operation, you know, and you'll be in pain for weeks and you won't be able to do surgeries, and other bad things could happen, like what if—"_

 _"LEXIE!" Meredith snapped, brow furrowing in frustration and interrupting her mid-ramble in a voice slightly louder than she was intending. Lexie immediately stopped, visibly shrinking backwards. "What is this all about? You were the one who came to me crying and begging me to give that man part of my liver. You even played the family card, so why on_ _earth_ _are you just now trying to change my mind?"_

 _Lexie looked away, eyes beginning to fill with tears. "I... I love my..._ _our... dad, I really do. I know he was a crappy father to you, and I'm sorry, I honestly am. I'm sorry that the only thing you remember about him is that he poured your cereal, because that's really, really terrible, and I can't even imagine that. But he was an amazing father to me, and I want him to live more than anything, but I... I wouldn't be able to stand it if something really bad happened to you, because it would be my fault. You said yourself that you're not doing it for him, and that makes it my fault if anything goes wrong. It took so long for us to get to... Here, where we are now, you volunteering to give a man who abandoned you part of yourself, and I just, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you... If you die during this." The brunette stopped, unable to say any more without her voice breaking. She looked away again, blinking furiously to fend off the tears._

 _Meredith softened, anger immediately draining away to be replaced by a sense of sadness. She understood now, why Lexie was suddenly so worried. She felt personally responsible for the outcome of this operation, and if something did happen, Meredith truly believed her little sister would fall apart. It had taken months of awkwardly evading each other—okay, mainly Meredith evading Lexie—to get to that point, the point where Meredith put her sister above her own dark past. Lexie just didn't want to lose that. But Meredith had to do it, she had to go through with the procedure. While she wasn't exactly looking forward to the several weeks of sitting in a hospital bed in pain, she refused to let Lexie lose one of the only parts of her family she had left. Thatcher had merely been the man who poured her cereal to Meredith, but to Lexie, he was the proud, loving father who took her to the park and put her up on his shoulders and went to every dance recital and came to her fifth grade graduation, and it would absolutely break her heart if he were to die. Meredith was just about indifferent on Thatcher's well-being, but she cared deeply for Lexie, and she would do anything she could to preserve her from any further pain. And Lexie had been so, selflessly ready to undergo this operation herself. She didn't care that the merger was coming up and recovering from a liver transplant would bench her from the OR for a dangerous amount of time, thus interfering with her chances of job retention during the merger. She didn't care that he was a recovering alcoholic or that she would be in pain for weeks after—she only cared that her father would be able to live._

 _"Lex..." Meredith murmured sympathetically, taking a small step towards her and resting a hand on her arm. Lexie quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed. "I am going through with this because I want to, for you. You are not forcing me to do it, I want to do it so you don't have to lose your father. I lost him long, long ago, but he's been a good father to you, and I want you to have that. And I am not going to die today," she added confidently, "so don't worry about that, okay?"_

 _Lexie sniffled again and looked at her older sibling for a moment. "I... okay," Lexie complied, seeming to have accepted it. "But I swear on my life, you need to make it through this. I... I need both you and dad, you're the only family I really have left."_

 _"I will be fine," Meredith promised, despite knowing making promises in a hospital was a dangerous practice._

 _"Thank you," Lexie stated simply in a quiet voice, reaching over and wrapping her arms around her sister. Meredith just smiled and wordlessly returned the embrace._

* * *

Apparently at some point in that locker room when they were both smiling at each other, Derek had silently taken a picture that he didn't show Meredith until she was in a hospital bed recovering from the transplant. She didn't know Lexie had even seen the picture, let alone had a copy of it, until she had opened that page of the scrapbook for the first time. She continued flipping through the book, each carefully-made page featuring pictures of Lexie and Meredith sharing memories that she would hold onto for as long as she herself was alive. Some were posed, with both of them smiling at the camera or their arms around each other, but some, like the one at Joe's and the one in the resident's room, were candid. It was those candid ones that Lexie had always liked the most, and Meredith liked them best, too. They looked so natural and real, like a true representation of each of them as individuals, and both of them together as family.

Sighing wistfully at the memories, she left the book open on the coffee table and slipped a sweater—Lexie's sweater, actually, her favorite one—over her arms and slid out the front door, into the chilly outside air.

* * *

 **A/N:** Alright, well that is it for the first chapter! It ended up being a lot longer than I thought, but as I said, I kept thinking of more ideas mid-chapter that I really wanted to include. This is a sad story overall, but I'm including happier flashbacks, so I'm hoping it's not entirely depressing. Oh, and I know there might be some continuity issues between this and the show, but I did the best I could to match the show's plot to this. I'm not actually sure if Lexie and Mark were together the Christmas before they both died, but for the sake of the flashbacks, they are. Anything that's different is basically just to better the plot of this story.

Also, I apologize for any typos in this. It took quite a while to write, and I've read it over so many times that at this point, I'm reading what I meant to say whether or not I actually wrote it that way (if that makes sense). Anyways, please leave a review and let me know what you thought! Or if you have any ideas that I might be able to incorporate into it. Thanks for reading! (:


	2. Chapter 2: Porch Swing

A/N: Hey again! This is chapter two of this songfic. The way things are going now, there will be at least two more chapters, possibly three depending on how long each of them ends up being. I have a few ideas for the second verse that I'm excited to write—there will be more happier flashbacks featuring some of the other characters, too. The single line of bridge in this song is really powerful, as well, and even though I'm really excited to write it, I don't want to rush through the rest of the story.

Okay, on to review replies! I mentioned this in my last Lexie/Meredith fic, but I really like doing review replies at the beginning of the chapters. I've done that with stories from the other fandoms I've written, and it really helps me keep in touch with those reading and kind of get to know you readers a bit more.

Patsy — Thank you! As a writer, one of the best things is to hear someone say one of my works has made them cry or laugh or feel some form of emotion. (: Thanks again, I will definitely continue!

Greybc — Thank you so much! (:

sarazimmermann1 — Sorry to break your heart, but thanks so much! (:

booksjinx — Aw, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Guest — Thanks for the review! Here is the update. (: And I'll definitely consider it if I can think of a good enough storyline. It sounds like a cute idea. Thanks! (:

Sarah — I love Meredith and Lexie, too! Thanks for the review!

Without further ado, onto chapter two! (Heh, I rhymed.)

* * *

But you went away  
How dare you  
I miss you  
They say I'll be okay  
But I'm not going to ever get over you

The cool, February air immediately met the exposed skin of her neck and face, and she involuntarily shivered a little. She pulled the sweater a little tighter around her thin frame and sat down on the swinging bench—the one that hadn't swung for years upon years until Thatcher had removed the pin that he had stuck there several decades ago. He had told her she used to get her fingers pinched in it, so he put it there to prevent her from injuring herself further. But now it swung freely, old hinges squeaking slightly as she gently swung back and forth, back and forth. It was around the time the sun usually set, but it had been gloomy and cloudy all day with no signs of the sun's comforting rays warming the chilly air. She leaned back and looked up at the monotonous grey sky, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. Maybe it was the somber weather, maybe it was the eerily-quiet house, maybe it was something else entirely; but today had just been one of those days—one of those days where she just missed Lexie a little more than usual. She always missed her, of course, but she wasn't this sad and dark and twisty and mopey all the time. The day held no significance in which missing one's deceased sister would be expected, like her birthday or favorite holiday or death anniversary. It was just a day, a single day out of the 365 in the year, and she really, really missed Lexie.

She allowed her dreary mind to wander, and she couldn't help but remember numerous conversations she and Lexie had had on this very swing. By an unspoken agreement, it had, in a way, become "their" place to talk, usually late at night. Mornings were filled with drowsy stumbling and spilled cereal and frantic bustling around to get out the door on time. They worked in the same hospital, of course, and some days they would see each other just about every other minute. But some days they were each busy with their own patients and only saw each other in passing, just long enough to give a friendly smile and exchange quick pleasantries. But regardless of where their work days took them, they could always count on seeing each other at night, if even just for a few minutes. Some nights it was so late that it was technically morning, but nonetheless, those few hours in between work and the sun rising were pretty much the only times they were guaranteed to both be around. Sometimes one or both of them would be especially tired and they'd only exchange a few fatigued sentences before going to bed, but other nights, they would stay up for hours and just talk. There was never a pre-determined topic, and there wasn't even a spoken invitation. Neither of them had to say, "Hey, wanna go outside and talk?" It was just automatic, routine. Some nights it was evident that one of them needed to talk, and those nights usually included a bit of alcohol. But usually it was just getting-to-know-each-other type of talk. They had missed out on the entirety of each other's lives, save the most recent few years, and there was a lot to catch up on.

But one night in particular, they hardly spoke at all for nearly an hour. They had had an argument earlier that day about something, though she now had a hard time remembering what they were bickering about. She was pretty sure it started as something work-related, but because of who Lexie was as a person, she tended to take things more personally than intended; and because of who Meredith was as a person, she had likely said some harsh things that she hadn't meant. But if she was honest, she wouldn't have a definitive answer to the question of why they were arguing that day, though she bet it was something stupid and trivial. But what she did remember was that what started out as a tense, somewhat awkward silence ended in Lexie's head resting on her shoulder and cheerful laughter from both of them.

* * *

 _They had argued earlier that day in the resident's locker room. Though that admittedly wasn't the most appropriate place to conduct a heated argument, they were both exhausted from the day and their exhaustion turned into hostility. And it wasn't the passive-aggressive, eye-rolling, muttering-under-their-breaths type of argument that blew over in a few minutes—it was the loud, angry, flushed face and raised voice and vehement hand motions kind of arguing that sent even Cristina and Alex scrambling for their things and high-tailing it out the door. They had each screamed more than enough earlier, and at that point, there was nothing left to say without the circular argument heating up again. The car ride home was filled with a tense, uncomfortable silence, one that Derek didn't even try to break. Meredith didn't speak, and for once, neither did Lexie. They didn't even turn on the radio—they just sat there wordlessly, Meredith concentrating on the road, Derek pretending to be preoccupied on his phone, and Lexie staring blankly out the backseat window._

 _"You two are adults," Derek declared once they had gotten home, brows furrowing in frustration, annoyed that they were acting so childish about it. "Act like it. You've both been giving each other the silent treatment for half the day. Whatever your problem is, figure it out like adults." Lexie tossed a glare at Derek before stomping upstairs, and Meredith stormed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, leaving Derek still standing in the doorway with an exasperated expression on his face. Giving up, he retreated to the living room to read the paper and watch television, banking on the two sisters working things out themselves. He knew Meredith could hold one hell of a grudge, but Lexie didn't have a mean bone in her body to hold any type of grudge for long. And who could stay mad at endearing little Lexie when she got all stutter-y and teary-eyed? They'd work it out, he was sure of it. Hopefully soon, because he was sick of the strained feeling hanging in the air whenever the two of them were near each other._

 _Upstairs, Lexie was pacing around her room, too annoyed to sit down. What the hell had happened today? Sure, she had said some things she knew would agitate her sister, but Meredith hadn't had the nicest things to say to her, either. Why couldn't Meredith just see things from her point of view for once? Sometimes it felt like her relationship with her older sister was great—they could talk and laugh for hours on end yet still work side-by-side in a professional manner. But other times, like today, she felt it sliding backwards, and that scared her a little. Exhaling in frustration, she collapsed on her bed, laying back and rubbing her eyes tiredly. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep now—not when she was still angry and her mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. What she needed was some fresh air. Yes, she decided, she would take a walk. Although it probably wasn't the smartest decision this late at night, she reasoned that she wouldn't go far, just around the block a few times to get some air and clear her mind. With that thought, she threw a thin sweatshirt on over her t-shirt and quietly left her room._

 _In the kitchen, Meredith rummaged through the cabinets in search of a clean mug and bag of tea. Maybe the warm liquid would help calm her down, Meredith thought as she began heating the water and recounting the day's events. Where had that argument come from, anyways? It had started about something relating to a patient they had, and it had somehow escalated to both of them yelling at each other and causing their co-workers to run for the hills. Had she said things she didn't mean and would take back, given the chance? Yes, Lexie had done her fair share of yelling, too. She didn't yell often, but when she did, she basically blew up. Both of them had the unfortunate tendency of spitting out some pretty hurtful and childish things when they were angry, but unlike Lexie, Meredith had a harder time forgiving them. Swirling the tea bag around in the steaming water, she quietly sighed. She thought about joining Derek in the living room, but he'd likely only lecture her on her personal relationship with her sister, and she wasn't really in the mood. She then thought about retreating to her room upstairs, but Lexie had stormed up there and she really didn't want to risk bumping into her right now. Not wanting to just sit around in the kitchen, she slipped out the front door and perched on that old, wooden swing. She pulled her feet up onto the seat and leaned against the armrest. The night air was comfortable—warm but not too warm with a light, refreshing breeze. It was a peaceful night, too, with the crickets chirping happily and not a cloud in the sky, the moon casting a calming glow on the earth beneath it. She took a few deep breaths of the fresh, nighttime air and closed her eyes for a moment. She had almost managed to relax and forget about the fact that she was angry with Lexie, when that very person came walking out the door. Her head involuntarily snapped up at the noise of the door opening and closing, and Lexie—clearly surprised to see her sister sitting outside instead of with Derek or in her room as she expected—stopped in her tracks. Her guard immediately flew up again and she tensed slightly, internally debating on whether to go back inside or continue on. Their eyes met for just a moment before Lexie turned and quickly hurried down the steps, off into the night. Meredith almost asked her where she was going or what she was doing, but she was still irritated with her and quickly decided she didn't care. Lexie was an adult, if she wanted to walk around in the middle of the night, who was she to stop her?_

 _Shaking her head slightly, she went back to staring upwards, looking at nothing in particular as she let her thoughts wander freely. She had once again almost relaxed and had gotten her mind off of being annoyed, when Lexie returned. She had only been gone for twenty minutes or so, but her face was slightly flushed as if she'd been walking quickly for a while. When Lexie saw Meredith still sitting there, she again hesitated, remembering Derek's words of acting like an adult._ _Fine, she thought to herself, I can act like an adult. I can totally sit in the same vicinity as her and not start arguing again. Whether it was truly an act of swallowing her pride or just one of spiting her sister (who she knew would probably prefer to be alone), she wasn't sure. But nevertheless, she walked across the porch and sat down on the swinging bench on the opposite side Meredith was perched, careful not to rock the swing as she sat as far away from her sibling as the bench would allow. Meredith didn't speak, didn't acknowledge that Lexie had sat down near her. The only move she made was to set her feet back on the ground and cross one leg over the other. Likewise, Lexie sat silently, not greeting her sister nor giving an explanation as to why she chose to sit down. They both privately wondered why the other didn't just get up and leave, nor why they themselves were still sitting there. Lexie was supposed to be pissed at Meredith, and Meredith was supposed to be pissed at Lexie. So why were they both still sitting in awkward silence, both too stubborn to be the one to break it?_

 _But if they were being honest, neither of them really wanted to argue and be mad at each other, not anymore. They were both already beginning to forget what they had been so angry about only hours before, and both were tiring of the uncomfortable strain between them. Now it was just a matter of who would be the first to get over themselves and speak._

 _Lexie absentmindedly fiddled with the black hair binder around her wrist, trying to think of something, anything to say. She wanted to apologize, but try as she might, she just couldn't find the words to say. That sounds pretty dumb, she realized, because one would think that finding the words to apologize wouldn't be that hard—the definition of an apology was, after all, pretty much the exact two words one needed to say. She could never really find the right words to say to those close to her, though. She was great at the hospital—even the Chief had told her she had a "way with words" with patients and their families. But when it came to personal matters, she sometimes just couldn't get her mind to formulate what to say._

 _Unaware of Lexie's silent musings, Meredith's mind wandered to one of the first interactions she'd had with Lexie without wanting to run away, almost forgetting that the subject of the memory now sat less than two feet away from her. Well, now that she thought about it, perhaps the term "interaction" was a bit generous on her part. Lexie, as per usual, had done all of the talking, after all; Meredith had merely stared at her and listened, then watched as she walked off. That day, she learned five things about Lexie that her younger sister hoped would make it harder for Meredith to hate her. Although she wouldn't have admitted it out loud at the time, those five things really did help Meredith dislike her sibling just a little less. She never truly hated Lexie as a person—hell, she had never even disliked Lexie. The girl was one of the most likable people she'd ever met. But she hated the idea of her at first. It took a while for Meredith to realize that she hated the idea of Lexie and the feelings she unknowingly stirred up inside Meredith from the past, not Lexie herself. It had taken months of Lexie prodding her and slowly worming her way into Meredith's life for the latter to finally begin accepting her. But Lexie was always the initiator, the instigator, the one who always got over her own discomfort and embarrassment and whatever else she was feeling, and spoke first. And now, Meredith thought, maybe, just maybe, it was her own turn to speak first._

 _"One, I had pink hair for most of high school," Meredith finally said before she could change her mind, breaking the extended silence between the two. Lexie's head shot up to look at her sister, but remembering that she was still supposed to be angry, she looked away again. "And not a pale, relaxed pink. It was bright and angry, right in everyone's faces."_

 _"Okay," she muttered cooly, trying to sound apathetic despite her curiosity as to why Meredith had randomly blurted that out. "Great." She had to admit, though: she was pretty amused at the image of teenaged Meredith with "angry" pink hair._

 _"Two, I hate when people change the channel during commercials," Meredith continued, ignoring the brunette's seemingly-indifferent response. "Three, I think Chinese food is gross, I can't stand it. Four, I lost my virginity to a guy named Paul Waxman my sophomore year of high school. And five," she finished, "my favorite ice cream flavor is strawberry."_

 _Seeing what Meredith was getting at, a smile toyed at the corners of Lexie's mouth, and she shyly looked up. Meredith was already looking at her, the same smile tugging at her lips, too. Letting her guard down, Lexie gave in to the smile and laughed, silently appreciating that her sister had remembered that moment and held it in some kind of significance to bring it up again now._

 _"Sophomore year, huh?" Lexie finally spoke, her features forming into a smirk as she relaxed and slid closer to Meredith, closing the awkward gap between them. "You were what, sixteen? Not bad."_

 _Tension in the air dropping, Meredith loosened up, too, allowing the barrier around herself to fall down. "Fifteen," she corrected, "but don't be too impressed. He was good-looking, but that guy had absolutely zero idea what he was doing. It's not like I was some sex god, either, but I had at least paid attention in health class long enough to know how to open and put on a condom in a socially-acceptable amount of time."_

 _Lexie tossed her head back laughing, and Meredith laughed, too, happy that they finally seemed to be over their fallout. "What, did you put it on for him?" Lexie joked._

 _"Yes," Meredith answered, chuckling but being entirely honest. "Yes, I did. And unfortunately I was stone-cold sober."_

 _"Oh gosh, eww!" Lexie squealed, simultaneously laughing and cringing at the thought. "That's just... weird!"_

 _"Yeah, not that guy's finest moment," she agreed, shaking her head at the mere idea of Paul Waxman. She briefly wondered what—or who—he was doing now. Regardless, she sincerely hoped he'd worked out his bedroom etiquette by now._

 _"I can't believe you had pink hair," Lexie chuckled, amused at the thought of a young Meredith walking through the halls of her high school with a head full of bright pink hair._

 _"Unfortunately I did," she confessed, "and somewhere in that attic, I have pictures to prove it."_

 _"You'll have to show them to me sometime," Lexie commented with a humored smile._

 _"I'm sure you'd love that." They smiled at each other and fell into silence, though this time it wasn't awkward or tense—it was a comfortable, content human silence, both of them wordlessly looking out into the night._

 _"I was a cheerleader," Lexie said after a few quiet moments. Meredith turned her head to look at her sister. "In high school, I was a cheerleader."  
_

 _"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Meredith commented with a chuckle. She had known Lexie played softball, as she had seen herself that her sister had a good arm. She hadn't known about the cheerleading, but she wasn't at all surprised. She could totally see Lexie's spunky, high school self jumping around in a short skirt, waving pompoms in the air on the sidelines of a football game. She'd probably had her hair tied up with a big ribbon and loudly yelled those chants that Meredith had found incredibly annoying back during her own high school days. She couldn't stand sports games. She had gone to one and she had hated it so much that she left after ten minutes. She didn't care about sports, for one, but she also couldn't stand the obnoxious, perky girls on the sidelines or the non-stop screaming of the crowd. "You were one of those girls my high school self would've hated," she added lightheartedly._

 _"So I take it you weren't into sports?" Lexie laughed, trying to picture a younger, pink-haired Meredith doing anything athletic._

 _"Definitely not," she confirmed, laughing at the mere idea. "I was part of that group that stood in the corner, wore a lot of black, had crazy-colored hair, and listened to really loud music that scared most normal people." Lexie laughed, remembering how that kind of group at her high school had creeped her out. "I hated the idea of pretty much anything that normal high schoolers would probably enjoy, like football games or prom or whatever."_

 _"Really? You never went to prom?" Lexie asked incredulously, eyes widening in disbelief. She had loved prom—getting all dressed up and taking cute pictures and all the pretty flowers and dancing the night away with friends. She couldn't imagine anyone choosing not to go... But then again, it's not like Meredith was really into that type of thing._

 _"Hell no," Meredith answered with strong conviction, furrowing her brow in disgust at the notion. "I wouldn't have been caught dead at prom. My friends and I always had an anti-prom on the actual prom night. We'd dress in our worst clothes and go out and do something really boring, like bowling or watch a movie, then go to someone's house and order pizza and just lay around until we went to bed."_

 _"Wow," Lexie laughed, shaking her head. "Prom was like the highlight of my high school career."_

 _"Let me guess, you were like, prom queen or something?" Meredith questioned with a grin, pulling her legs up onto the bench and turning slightly so she faced Lexie more._

 _"Guilty," Lexie admitted a little sheepishly, cheeks turning slightly red._

 _"Called it," Meredith laughed, easily imagining Lexie in the outgoing, popular crowd—that group of girls that played sports and loved dances and had perfect makeup and could turn guys' heads in every room they walked into. The one part that surprised her, though, was that in her high school at least, those preppy girls generally weren't very... bright. Lexie, on the other hand, with her photographic memory, had to have been pretty great at school. Sure, sometimes her street smarts lacked a bit and she wasn't too great with words, but she couldn't imagine Lexie ever getting bad grades. "Were you the girl who got upset over an A-minus, too?" she questioned with an amused smile._

 _"Heh, yeah," Lexie answered, suddenly a little self-conscious. "I, uh, may have been valedictorian."_

 _"Figures," Meredith replied, imagining 17-year-old Lexie giving a speech at graduation with colored cords dangling from her neck. Lexie had mentioned before that she skipped third grade, plus she had a late birthday, so she had always been the youngest in her class._

 _"But, uh, the smart gene seems to run in the family," she continued, quickly changing the subject. "Were you good at school, too?"_

 _"Probably could've been," she allowed with a shrug, "but I didn't really try too hard. I didn't fail classes or repeat a year or anything, but I didn't really care that much. I did enough to pass the classes and graduate, but that's about it. I blame it on my daddy issues," she added with a chuckle. She was joking, or at least half-joking—yeah, her broken family life had made it pretty hard to concentrate on schoolwork, but she could've done really well if she had just set her mind to it. Oh well, it was a thing of the past, and, as luck would have it, she ended up just fine. As it turned out, one's grades in high school and college really didn't matter in the real world. Who would've thought?_

 _Although Meredith had meant the "daddy issues" comment as a joke, Lexie tensed up a little, seeing the truth in it. While it was ultimately Meredith's choice to let things slide, there was some truth to her remark, whether Meredith herself had seen it or not. She couldn't help but feel like she was partially to blame for why Meredith was so dark and twisty. She knew there really wasn't anything she could've done about it, but it just didn't seem fair to her that she had gotten a wonderful childhood with so many happy memories of two parents who loved each other and her more than anything else, while another little girl, her sister, who by no fault of her own had no father around and a mother who was callous and mean. Suddenly saddened, her gaze flickered down, though she tried to hide it with a smile when Meredith glanced at her._

 _Sensing Lexie's sudden discomfort about the topic, Meredith lightly nudged her. "I was just joking, Lex. My daddy issues aren't your fault." Lexie still seemed unconvinced, but she smiled anyways. "Really," Meredith continued, trying to reassure the girl. "If he wouldn't have left me, we probably wouldn't have met, or you might not even be here." And it was true: Had Thatcher stayed with Ellis and Meredith, he wouldn't have started a life with Susan, and Lexie wouldn't have been born. "I'd take daddy issues in exchange for a really great little sister any day."_

 _"Aww," Lexie gushed, a genuine smile returning to her face as she met Meredith's gaze. She even blushed a little, clearly flattered by her sister's comment. Lexie instinctively leaned her head on Meredith's shoulder, brown hair spilling onto the latter's shirt as she relaxed into her older sibling. Meredith smiled to herself and squeezed Lexie's leg in acknowledgement._

 _And that's how they sat for the next couple hours or so, sometimes talking, sometimes just staring out at the calm, night sky. They sat like that until Lexie fell asleep on her shoulder. Meredith hadn't wanted to wake her because she'd looked so peaceful, but if the two of them slept like that for the night, they'd both have a painfully-regrettable neck ache the next morning. Careful not to drastically rock the swing, Meredith gently prodded the brunette and she sleepily raised her head._

 _"Hm, wha... Oh... Sorry, did... Did I fall asleep on you?" she asked in a bit of a daze._

 _"Yeah, but it's okay," Meredith replied with a smile. Lexie groggily smiled back. "Let's go inside and get some sleep," she suggested. "God knows we could both use it." Looking as if she was half asleep already, Lexie just nodded tiredly and allowed Meredith to gently take her hand and lead her inside, up the stairs, and to her room. The light in her room was off and neither of them bothered turning it on—Meredith knew that house well enough to get just about anywhere in the dark. She gingerly led Lexie through the blackness until she felt the bed, which she lightly pushed Lexie towards. Still in jeans and the sweatshirt she'd thrown on earlier, the younger woman crawled under the covers and promptly relaxed._

 _Meredith thought she had fallen asleep instantly and was about to turn to leave, when Lexie opened her eyes just a little. "Thanks, Mer," she murmured tiredly, a grateful smile on her face. She could've gotten through the house, up the stairs, and into bed by herself, but she secretly enjoyed Meredith mothering her a bit, so she allowed her older sister to guide her._

 _Meredith just smiled in return, and although Lexie couldn't see her sister's face, she could hear the smile through the warmth in her soft voice. "Good night, Lex."_

* * *

The memory seemed so vivid, so real, that if she concentrated hard enough, she could almost see Lexie next to her, curled up on that swing. She could almost hear her soft, thoughtful voice talking about her life and asking Meredith about hers. She could almost feel her sister's head on her shoulder, could almost hear her slow, rhythmic breathing as she fell asleep against her.

Almost, almost... But she couldn't, and she wouldn't see or hear or feel those things ever again.

Meredith's eyes filled with tears, and she didn't bother trying to blink them back. Lexie wasn't here, not anymore. She was gone, dead, and she couldn't come back. The tears began to slide down her cheeks, and she made no move to wipe them away or try to stifle the emotion. How could Lexie just go off and die and leave her behind? Why did it have to be her? Why did Lexie had to die that day instead of someone else, even herself? Of all the people on that plane, Lexie was the most bubbly, genuine, and full of life. She was a wonderful doctor, always so good with patients and their families, something that even Meredith struggled with. She was unbelievably kind to just about everyone she met, so why did she have to die when people like herself—a dark and twisty soul that used coarse hostility to cover her inability to let people in—got to live to see another sunrise? It's not that she had wanted to die in that crash, nor did she want to die now—no, she had a beautiful baby girl who needed a mommy and a loving husband who needed a wife and numerous other friends she couldn't bear to leave behind. But when she saw Lexie under that plane... If there had been any way in the world for her to switch somehow, so that Lexie would be okay and could become an even more amazing doctor and start a family and continue living, she would have taken her place in a heart beat. It just wasn't fair that such wonderful people die and leave so many broken hearts in their wake.

And now, as her thoughts continued to wander, she was beginning to get angry.

Angry at Lexie for getting trapped under a plane and dying, even though she knew that wasn't a fair reason; angry at everyone who tried to reassure her with meaningless cliché phrases, even though she knew they meant well; angry at Jerry the pilot, even though the poor man was now paralyzed for the rest of his life and she knew it wasn't his fault; angry at the trees that ripped the plane apart, even though they were just trees doing what trees do; angry at the plane itself for not doing its one job, even though she knew it was just a hunk of metal; angry at the mechanics or whoever had worked on that plane and declared it safe to fly, even though she knew it was merely a freak accident; and most of all, angry at herself for not being there when Lexie died to hold her hand and tell her how much she meant to her. And for that one, there was no "even though" that followed. To her, there was no excuse that could ever justify why she wasn't there when Lexie died. She was glad Mark was there, at least, and that she wasn't all alone—he had cared about her deeply, after all, and she knew Lexie cared about him, too—but she herself should have been there. She should have known the moment she saw her sister's small, injured body trapped under that huge plane that she wouldn't survive, that she was dying. But in a state of shock or stupidity or a little of both, she had believed that Lexie would be fine. She was awake, responsive, and a Grey—she had to be fine, she'd survive this. She'd have to do a lot of physical therapy and it wouldn't be easy, but she would make it. Looking back, that was the most heartbreakingly-blind hope she had ever tried to hold on to. She was a doctor, for God's sake. She should've been able to see there was no way that poor Lexie's battered and bruised body could win a battle as big as that. She didn't stand a chance against a few thousand-foot fall and several tons of bent-up metal. And instead of running to her side and holding her shaking hand and telling her how much she loved her, she had instead held on to that stupid, false hope and ran off to find Derek instead. She was beyond grateful that Derek survived, of course, but she wished more than anything that she would've been with her sister when she died, if only to make her feel just a little bit less scared in her final moments. But instead she had left Lexie—her kind, sweet, beautiful little sister who always put others before herself and loved with an unconditional fervor—to die under a plane with no true family in sight.

And that's when she knew. With tears streaming down her face and an unbelievable ache in her chest, she knew that she would never get over Lexie. She had left a huge mark on Meredith's life that nobody could ever fill, nor would she want anyone else to fill it. The innocent, annoying, overly-persistent girl who had interrupted the flow of traffic at the ER doors years ago, had slowly become someone Meredith loved and cared about, far deeper than she had ever expected. She had become her friend, her _family_. She knew, deep down, that it wouldn't hurt this bad forever. Time heals all wounds, after all. They're never completely healed and restored to what they were before, because Time—try as he might—just doesn't have that strong of powers. But it always heals a little. It stops bleeding and scabs over and leaves a scar. The pain eventually fades just a little, and that sharp sting that made it hard to breathe slowly ebbs away, little by little. It never stops hurting entirely, but the soul-crushing agony doesn't last forever.

Yes, the pain will eventually become less earth-shattering and the mention of her name won't feel like knife to the stomach, but although the constant pain would eventually dull, she knew one thing for sure: She would never, ever be able to get over Lexie.

* * *

A/N: And there ya' have it, chapter two. It's pretty sad at the end, I'll admit, so I'm sorry for that. But I loved writing that longer flashback/memory, and I think it's a pretty cute scene between them. So hopefully you guys think the same! Oh, and in case anyone was curious, Meredith's five facts were all canon and were mentioned at various points throughout the show, but some of what Lexie said about her life was stuff I fabricated for the storyline. It is said/implied at some point that she skipped third grade and was prom queen and valedictorian in high school, as well as very popular, so I thought those were nice to add in. And in the baseball game episode, she is shown to have a strong arm, so it made sense to me that she'd played softball/baseball before. The cheerleading thing was just something I threw in, but couldn't you totally see a younger Lexie as a cheerleader?

Anyways, thank you guys so much for reading, and please leave a review if you liked it. I absolutely love hearing from you guys! (:


	3. Chapter 3: Up in the Attic

A/N: Hi! It's me again with the third chapter of _Over You_. Sorry that my updates have been a bit random—between working 50 hours a week at two jobs and trying to fit in family/friend time, updates can take a while sometimes. There will be one more chapter of this story for sure, possibly two depending on how I feel like ending it. I'm thinking of maybe having a chapter at the end with a bit of Lexie's perspective from whatever afterlife she's in, but I'm not sure if that's where I want the story to go. What do you guys think? Would you like to read something like that? Let me know in a review. (:

I'm also going to be working on a MerDer one-shot soon, and I'm in the midst of planning a longer fic with multiple characters and pairings. I do have more ideas for Meredith/Lexie stories, but I've done two with them and I really want to get a MerDer one written, so that will be top priority after this is finished.

As usual, here are review replies ( **SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 MENTIONED** ):

Patsy — Thanks so much! That was one of my favorite episodes, too, and definitely one of my favorite scenes with Meredith and Lexie. I've always wished Meredith would've stopped Lexie while she was walking away (or even just brought it up again the next day or something) and said five things about herself. There were a lot of times where Lexie opened up and Meredith was shown as just staring at her silently, and I always hoped/wished Mer would eventually have more of a response. She never really did, but I guess that just makes for some good writing prompts. (: Anyways, thanks again for the continued support!

mandyg67 — Thank you very much! I wish they would've shown more of Lexie, too, particularly her relationships with others. That swing scene was fun to write, but I definitely had some feels while writing it. Thank you again! (:

Chicha3maddy ( **SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 MENTIONED** ) — Thanks so much for the kind and thoughtful review! I completely agree. The show does a great job portraying Meredith's grief process after Derek's death, and even other characters are shown as being heavily affected. I realize Derek was a more prominent character in the series than Lexie was, as he was in 12 seasons straight. But still, I feel like everyone's emotional reactions to Lexie's death were far more short-lived. Meredith was shown as being completely heartbroken when she found out Lexie died, and then she woke up after being rescued, frantically asking for Lexie. She was pretty depressed for a few episodes, and she appeared to be still sensitive to her name when Alex made a reference to her and Jackson, but beyond mid-season 9, she's never really mentioned. There are a lot of characters I feel like should've had more of a longer-lasting grief cycle, but especially Meredith. I loved Lexie's growing relationships with other characters, and I agree with what you said about the show almost acting like she never existed. ): ANYWAYS, thank you again for the nice review! I hope you continue enjoying this! (:

Sarah — Thank you! I'm glad it had an impact on you. (:

Guest 1 — Wow, thank you so much! It's always awesome to hear when someone gets really into your story. So thanks! I'm not sure if I could pick an absolute favorite (because there are so many characters I love), but Lexie is definitely in my top three favorites from the whole show. And I totally agree that there wasn't enough Meredith and Lexie! I feel like there should've been more, considering how much Lexie and Mark are shown together. I loved them together, don't get me wrong; but I always felt like they should've showed more of the bonding between the sisters since they're family and all, and it was such a big plot twist at first. Thanks again for the review! (:

Guest 2 — Thank you for the review! I will update as regularly as I can. (:

Guest 3 — Thank you very much! (:

* * *

Living alone here in this place  
I think of you and I'm not afraid  
Your favorite records make me feel better  
'Cause you sing along with every song  
I know you didn't mean to give them to me

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the cold breeze feeling even colder on her wet, tear-stained cheeks. She wiped the moisture away with the sleeve of her sweater before standing, willing the pain in her chest to go away. Standing up, she quietly opened the front door and slipped back inside. Derek wouldn't be home for another couple of hours, provided he didn't have some impromptu, urgent surgery; but Cristina would be arriving with Zola within an hour or so. As she passed the living room, she saw the book Lexie had given her, still open and in the place she had left it before going outside. She thought about closing it and putting it back on the shelf, out of sight and as out of mind as possible—and she almost did just that. But instead, she picked it up, put her thumb in the page that was opened to hold the spot, and carried it with her upstairs. She almost went straight to her bedroom, but as she walked past, she saw the attic door out of the corner of her eye and stopped in her tracks. She contemplated just continuing on, but as she turned to look at the closed door, she found herself slowly gravitating towards it. It had been almost a year and she had only opened that door a handful of times. For the first few months following Lexie's death, Meredith had avoided the room at all costs. It was almost as if she was afraid of it—of the painful loss associated with that dusty old attic that Meredith just couldn't bear to let herself feel. But almost a year later, as her hand met the doorknob, she didn't feel so afraid anymore. The room was still associated with Lexie, of course, and it always would be. But it didn't give her that same sense of crushing sorrow that it had a year ago.

Despite the fact that it was an attic used to store Christmas decorations and old furniture and random boxes filled with God-only-knows-what from Meredith's childhood, Lexie had made living there work. It was out of necessity at first, seeing as every bedroom in the house was inhabited and the attic was better than the "crapartment" or getting stuck living with some stranger; but even after all of their previous roommates had moved out and an actual room became available, Lexie had insisted that she didn't mind the attic, liked it even. She had gotten used to the pitched ceiling and unfinished walls and slightly dingy appearance, and had arranged the room in a way that was actually quite quaint and homey. She liked the large windows, too, and so did Zola—that was where they spent most of their time together, in that old attic perched in front of the big windows that looked out into the backyard. It wasn't a particularly spectacular view, but Lexie—ever the cheery optimist—had simply loved the light that the windows let in, and she had loved that Zola liked the windows so much.

Once, shortly after Lexie's death, she had found Derek in the attic with Zola. He sat on the bed surrounded by Lexie's belongings, little pieces of herself and her personality that she'd left behind. Little Zola was perched in his lap, and he was quietly telling their daughter all of the wonderful things about her Aunt Lexie—the aunt that had loved Zola so much but would never get to see her grow up; the aunt that Zola would probably have no firsthand memories of. Derek hadn't meant for Meredith to see or hear them up there, but Meredith had come home early and heard Derek's voice from the hallway. She had intended on being quiet in case Derek and Zola were both sleeping, but her noiseless entry had allowed her to be a silent witness. She stood just outside the doorway, unable to be seen from inside the room but able to hear everything Derek said. That day, as Meredith listened to Derek tell Zola about Lexie, tears streaming down her face and a sob caught in her throat, she swore to herself and to her sister that she would never let Zola forget who Lexie was. She couldn't talk about Lexie at the time, not without getting too emotional to form sentences. But eventually, when she was ready, she would tell Zola stories and show her pictures and remind her how much her aunt loved her.

Now, with the book from Lexie in her hand, she slowly turned the handle and opened the door. Other miscellaneous boxes and objects had been shoved into the attic throughout the months since Lexie's death, but most of Lexie's things remained where she had last left them. The clothes that were hanging in the closet and lying on the floor had since been folded, tucked away in cardboard boxes, and stacked neatly in the corner of the room, but other than that, the room was pretty much as Lexie had left it decoration-wise. Neither Derek nor Meredith had seen any particular reason to move it, and although the latter could not bring herself to step foot into the room until months later, she hadn't wanted any of her sister's things moved or toyed with.

Meredith stepped into the room and flipped on the light. The curtains on the windows were pulled back slightly, the way Lexie always kept them—open enough to let some light in, but closed enough to prevent the room from heating up too much. She crossed the wooden floor to the bed and gingerly sat down, not wanting to disrupt the neatly-made bed. Re-opening the scrapbook, she continued to flip through it, picture after picture and memory after memory flooding her senses. She eventually came to the last page where an older photo of Lexie and Meredith was glued. Lexie's hair was newly-blonde in the picture, her dark roots not yet beginning to show. She remembered the day Lexie had dyed it, actually. She hadn't told anyone she was planning on ditching the brunette, so imagine Meredith's surprise when she came home to find Lexie leaning over the tub with hair bleach.

* * *

 _It had been a long, tiring day-turned-into-morning, and all Meredith wanted to do was go home, take a shower, and sleep for as long as humanly possible. Derek had gotten off a few hours before her and was already sound asleep, and their other roommates were either still at work or presumably catching some shut-eye before their next shifts. Taking care not to be too loud, she tiredly climbed the stairs. Upon reaching the top, she was surprised to see the light on in the bathroom and hear someone running water. The door was half open, so out of curiosity, she peeked inside to see who was still awake at nearly two in the morning. She immediately scrunched up her nose at the strong smell of hair bleach that greeted her._

 _"Lexie?!" Meredith exclaimed, surprised to see it was her sister, of all people, who was awake at this ungodly hour. She was leaning over the bathtub struggling to apply the hair bleach to her dark strands. Patches of her hair were already turning blonde, but other parts were still her natural dark brown. Startled by the sudden voice, Lexie jumped and nearly hit her head on the bathtub's faucet._

 _"Oh! Uh, hi, sorry, am I being too loud?" she asked rapidly, momentarily setting the bleach down on the floor._

 _Meredith shook her head. "I just got home, but no, you're fine. But why on earth are you still awake? Don't you work in like five hours?"_

 _"Yeah, I do, but I couldn't sleep. So, uh, I'm dyeing my hair."_

 _"I can see that," Meredith replied pointedly, surveying the bathroom and its contents. "Why the sudden change? You haven't ever mentioned wanting to dye it."_

 _"I, uh, does there always need to be a reason? I mean, I just, um, wanted to dye it, I guess. Ya' know, change things up and, uh, yeah!"_

 _Meredith gave her sister a quizzical look, then a thought crossed her mind. "Is it because of Mark?" she questioned simply, stepping more inside the room and leaning against the counter._

 _"What?!" she asked, feigning incredulousness. "No, no, of course not! That's, uh, that's crazy, why would you even think that? I don't care what Mark thinks, who cares? I dumped him, remember?"_

 _Meredith said nothing, but she was unconvinced and her expression must have given that opinion away._

 _Lexie blushed slightly and her gaze fluttered downwards. Knowing Meredith wasn't buying it, she sighed, setting the bleach down on the floor in front of her. "It's sort of about Mark," she admitted, looking up again to meet her sister's gaze. "Not directly, really, but I... I don't know, I guess I just wanted a change of some sort, to kind of represent a clean slate. I'm not doing it because I think he'll like it more or whatever... I don't really care about that. I'm doing it for me, because I want to, I swear. I wanted something new and different, ya' know?" Her blush deepened as she continued stuttering, clearly embarrassed of what she was admitting. "To feel like... I don't know, a new person almost. And, and I know that sounds really dumb, but... Yeah..." Her sentence trailed off and she looked at the ground again._

 _Ah, now Meredith understood. She had dyed her own hair several times throughout her life, thought mostly in high school. It really was an identity thing, as juvenile as it sounded. A new hair cut or color could almost make one feel like a different person. "It's not dumb, I understand."_

 _"Really?" Lexie asked, again raising her head to look at Meredith. Her dark eyes silently begged for understanding or affirmation of some kind, though she tried to hide it. Did Meredith really understand why she was suddenly dyeing it? Or was she just saying that to make her feel like she wasn't crazy?_

 _"Yeah, I've dyed my hair a time or two. When so many things are going on in your life outside of your control, it's nice to change something you know you have control over, even if it's just your hair."_

 _Lexie smiled, relief flooding her senses. So she really did get it. "Thanks," she said simply, and Meredith smiled in return._

 _Meredith glanced down at the bottle of bleach, then up at Lexie's patchy hair. "You've never dyed your hair before, have you?" she asked, though it was more of a statement than a question. It was pretty obvious by the uneven coloring that Lexie had no idea what she was doing._

 _"Heh, no... No, I haven't," Lexie confirmed with a sheepish look._

 _Meredith laughed. "Want some help?"_

 _"I mean, yeah, I could probably use it," she replied with a laugh. "But it's pretty late, don't you want to get to sleep? I'm sure you've had a long day. I can manage by myself if you wanna go to bed."_

 _"No, it's okay," Meredith replied, again glancing at Lexie's hair. At the rate she was going, Lexie wouldn't get to sleep at all if someone didn't help her. She knew how to box dye hair, so she might as well help her out. She liked spending time with her sister outside of the hospital, anyways, even if it was way past her adult bedtime._

 _Lexie grinned appreciatively, happy to both get some help with her little project and spend some time with Meredith. "Thanks, I have no idea what I'm doing."_

 _"I can tell," Meredith chuckled as she slipped on a pair of gloves and picked up the hair bleach. She squeezed some out and began working it into Lexie's hair, trying to avoid the parts that were already lightening. She put more product in some places and less in others, hoping the parts with less bleach would show a bit of her natural color and end up looking something like highlights. Soon enough, all of her hair was covered in the bleach, and Meredith took the gloves off, setting them on the counter. "Now you have to leave the bleach in for about twenty minutes so it can do its weird chemical thing and turn your hair blonde."_

 _Lexie set a timer on her phone, and for the next twenty minutes, they talked about their days and whatever else came up. They ended up leaving the bleach in for a little longer because Lexie said she wanted it lighter than Meredith's._

 _"I mean, the darker blonde looks good on you, but I don't want people to think I'm trying to look exactly like you or anything."_

 _Meredith just laughed and rolled her eyes. "I doubt anyone would think that, but okay, give it another five minutes. But then we need to wash it out, it's really bad for your hair."_

 _Another five minutes went by and Lexie, satisfied with the color, began washing the chemical out of her hair. After several rounds of conditioner, she towel-dried her hair and examined it in the mirror. To Meredith's relief, she had managed to hide the patchiness and make some parts look like slightly darker highlights._

 _"Wow, that looks different," Lexie commented, running her hand through it and trying to decide how she felt about it._

 _"Yeah, it's definitely different," Meredith agreed. She hadn't meant that comment in a bad way, but Lexie suddenly seemed doubtful._

 _"Oh God, did I really just spontaneously dye my hair blonde? I didn't even think about the color or anything, I just randomly drove to the store and bought the first thing I saw." She studied her reflection in the mirror before turning to Meredith. "Does it look bad?" she asked anxiously, suddenly a little self-conscious. "I mean, I know it's different, but does it look okay?"_

 _"It looks nice, Lex," she answered honestly. "You pull off the blonde thing pretty well. Welcome to the club," she added with a playful laugh, briefly holding up a chunk of her own blonde hair._

 _Lexie relaxed a bit and smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Mer, and thanks for the help."_

* * *

Her eyes lingered on the picture for a moment longer before she slowly shut the book and set it down beside her. It was times like that that kept Meredith smiling, fond memories of times she was able to be there for Lexie, even in the smallest way. Perhaps she was simply using those memories—of times where she had Lexie's back, where she caught her before she fell—to make up for the times she wasn't there for her. There were a lot of times she hadn't been there, and a lot of times where she could've done more but chose not to because... Why? Because she was afraid? Afraid of what, exactly? Every excuse she could come up with just didn't seem adequate when Lexie was dead. Meredith had left Lexie in her last moments—the very last time she would ever be able to be there for her, and she had left. To her, that seemed unforgivable. She knew, deep down, that Lexie wouldn't ever hold that against her. If she could talk to each other now, she was sure that Lexie would instantly forgive her with open arms. But maybe that's what made it harder at the moment—knowing that, regardless of how poorly Meredith had treated her at first, and no matter how many times she failed as Lexie's friend and sister, Lexie would still forgive her. Sure, she might be made a little while, but she could never stay mad for very long. She cared too much, loved too much, and had far too big a heart to hold a grudge. She knew Lexie would never want her to feel bad about not being there when she died, but when that thought crossed her mind, the only thing she could see was the image of her sister's small, broken body crushed under that huge, unforgiving plane; chest rising and falling in a rapid panic; wild eyes taking in her current predicament. All she could think about was how scared Lexie had looked that last time she had ever seen her alive. She was in pain and terrified, and Meredith had left. She'd promised she'd come back, of course, and she had every intention of doing so. She wanted to tell Lexie she loved her, that she was a good sister and she was so glad she had forced her way into her life. She wanted to tell her how proud she was of her for how much she had grown over the past few years, both as a surgeon and as a person. She wanted to apologize one last time for all of the instances she had failed her or disappointed her, and for all of those months she spent ignoring her and pushing her away. If she could turn back time, she would have stayed by her side, held her hand, and told her all of those things she felt so deeply but had rarely (or never) said out loud. But shock—shock, that absolute bitch—had clouded her senses, and at the time, Meredith truly believed Lexie would be okay. She was awake and she was moving, so she'd be fine. She wasn't, as it turned out. She wasn't fine, not at all.

She hadn't noticed as her mind wandered, but at some point, tears had begun to fall again. She inhaled a shuddery breath and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Trying to distract herself, she silently surveyed the room, and eventually her gaze landed on a pile of CDs that Lexie always kept neatly stacked on the side of her desk. She slowly stood and crossed the room to where the desk sat in the corner. She mindlessly skimmed the album titles before reaching out and pulling an unlabelled one out of the stack. It had no album art, but instead had a white piece of paper taped to the front. In Lexie's handwriting, a dozen or so songs were listed, presumably the ones that were burned onto the disc. Meredith had never seen most of Lexie's things as something particularly significant—they were, after all, everyday things like CDs and books and random pictures—but now, as she stood alone in her house surrounded by things that had meant something to Lexie, Meredith found that those things were beginning to mean something to her, too. She carefully extracted the disc from its plastic case and slipped it into the CD player beside the bed. As the first song began to play, Meredith returned to the bed, CD case still in hand, and leaned against the wall as music filled the room. She again studied the case in her hand, beginning to recognize some of the songs as ones Lexie had loved. She closed her eyes for a few moments, and she could almost hear Lexie's voice as she sang along. The girl actually had a pretty nice voice, too. She couldn't play musical instruments for the life of her, but she could sing pretty well.

* * *

 _Music. Loud music. And a headache. A bad headache._

 _Those were the only two thoughts Meredith had as she slumped on the couch, hand on her forehead as if that would stop the pounding in her skull. Upstairs, Lexie was playing music loudly,_ very _loudly,_ _which usually wouldn't bother Meredith; but today, she had a massive headache that was only getting worse with every grueling pulse of the stereo. Unable to take it anymore, Meredith grunted as she stood from the couch and stomped up the stairs, fully intending on yelling at her sister to turn the music down. She noticed the door to the attic was cracked open, and she was about to burst through it when she stopped short. She peeked through the ajar door to see Lexie jumping and dancing around to the beat of the song, singing the lyrics and looking happier than she'd seen her in a while._

 _"Girl, you got me thinkin' 'bout diamonds, and gettin' down on one knee, maybe two," she sang with the track, bouncing around as if she was singing to somebody in particular. "People may stop and stare, but I don't even care, no, just as long as I'm with you!" And suddenly, she couldn't quite bring herself to angrily barge through the door like she had planned. She was about to turn around and leave Lexie be, in fact, when Lexie either sensed someone watching her or noticed movement through the slight opening of the door._ _"Girl, you've got me actin' real crazy, chasin' tail like—Oh!" she exclaimed, scrambling to the CD player and pausing the song (not before tripping over herself a couple of times, though). Meredith suppressed a chuckle as she opened the door a bit more and stepped partly inside the room. Lexie's cheeks turned bright red, and she awkwardly fiddled with her hands. That was almost embarrassing, she thought, as the time Derek—who was supposed to be Alex—walked in on her naked and trying to be sexy. Almost,_ almost _as embarrassing, but not quite. That one was still a chart-topper. Her sister's husband had seen her almost naked and trying to pose like some French girl. God._

 _"Hello, Lexie," Meredith greeted, barely suppressing a laugh but unable to withhold a wide grin._

 _"Ha, uh, hey there, Meredith," Lexie replied, face getting redder by the second. She nervously bounced on the balls of her feet. "I, uh, didn't think that you were, you know, home."_

 _"Well, I'm home, and I have a headache," she added pointedly._

 _"Oh, I'm sorry! Was I being too loud? I was being too loud, wasn't I? Sorry, I, uh, it won't happen again! Now shouldn't you be getting some sleep or something?" she rambled, trying to rush her sister out of her room so she could die of embarrassment in privacy._

 _"It was a little loud," Meredith admitted, "but it's fine." It took everything in her not to burst out laughing at the sight of her mortified little sister dressed in an over-sized t-shirt, Harvard Medical sweatpants, and large slippers shaped like cat heads. "That was cute," she added with a slight hand motion, referencing the solo dance party, "and cute outfit."_

 _"Oh, shut up," she muttered with a scowl._

 _"No, really, do you do that often?" she continued, gaining personal enjoyment from tormenting her sibling._

 _"You're the worst," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at Meredith like an upset toddler. "If you tell anyone, I swear to God I'll—"_

 _"Relax, Lexie," she laughed, interrupting before she got a chance to legitimately get angry. "I'm just giving you a hard time. I won't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure everyone within a ten-mile radius heard you."_

 _Lexie rolled her eyes and pretended to pout again, but she was having a hard time holding back the smile. "Whatever," she gave in with a chuckle._

 _"Well, continue on then," Meredith motioned, but Lexie stubbornly shook her head._

 _She still looked sheepish as she stammered, "Oh, no, I'm, uh, I'm good. I was, um, just finishing up with... Yeah, I'm done now."_

 _Rolling her eyes, Meredith walked further into the room and stepped past Lexie, pushing the play button on the CD player._

 _"Ooh, I got this rocket in my front left pocket," she sang back at Lexie, causing her younger sister to smile and laugh. "Ready to explode like a bomb!"_

 _Giving up on acting offended, she joined in, and they both danced around and laughed for the rest of the song, trading lyrics and moving around to the beat. Lexie had seemed kind of quiet and lonely lately, so it was nice to see her happy and bouncing around like her usual, energetic self._

 _"Ugh, I just remembered that my head hurts," Meredith groaned once the song came to an end and she was reminded of the pounding behind her forehead.  
_

 _"Oh, sorry, dancing around probably didn't help." Lexie turned the volume down on the CD player as the next song started. "You should get some sleep," she added more somberly, the bright light in her eyes from moments before dulling just a little. Meredith almost agreed and turned away, but right before she was about to open her mouth, Lexie's gaze flickered downwards just once, and Meredith couldn't help but notice she looked a little dejected. Her and Mark were having some form of problems again, though she wouldn't say much about it._

 _"Wanna watch whatever really crappy Lifetime movie is on TV with me before I go to bed?" she offered. "I'm not really that tired right now, anyways." She was pretty tired, in reality, but she figured she could stay awake for another hour or two to keep Lexie company._

 _"Sure," Lexie replied with a warm smile, eyes subtly lighting up a bit. "I'd like that."_

 _They both turned and headed down the stairs. "You count the moments of awkward sexual tension and I'll count the cliché one-liners."_

 _"Ugh," Lexie whined jokingly, "why do I always have to count the awkward sexual moments?"  
_

 _"Because it's funnier watching you squirm."_

 _"Gee, thanks."_

 _"Anytime."_

* * *

A/N: This chapter was getting long, it's getting late (technically early now), and I don't want to keep you guys waiting any longer for an update, so I'm just going to end this chapter on the flashback/memory. I left it on a happier note, at least! Since I split this chapter more than I was intending, there will for sure be two more chapters, possibly a third depending on how I decide to end it. But for now, that is the end of this chapter. Sorry for any typos or mistakes—I can barely keep my eyes open but I'd like to just post this chapter right now while I'm thinking about it. If you have a minute, I would love if you left me a review letting me know your thoughts—I love hearing from people who read my work. Whether it's positive or something I could do better, I'd love to hear it. Hope you enjoyed! (:


	4. Chapter 4: There

A/N: Hi again! It's getting late, I'm tired, and I have to work in the morning, so I'm going to keep this author's note short. But here is the next chapter of _Over You_! I'm really enjoying writing this, and I hope you're enjoying reading it. A huge thank you to those who left a review on the previous chapter—I will reply to those with the next chapter's replies. Anyways, without further ado, here's chapter four!

* * *

She had almost forgotten about that day, that interaction. Her lips formed into a smile and she almost chuckled at the memory of Lexie dancing around alone in her bedroom. Despite the happy memory, however, her mind began to wander back to that dark place—back into that daunting forest with the suffocating smell of smoke and the intense feeling of pain radiating from her body, the place where her little sister was crushed under that plane and died. She just couldn't help but chide herself for not being as good of a sister to Lexie as Lexie was to her. At the beginning, how many times had Lexie needed her—or just somebody in general—and she hadn't been there? Worse yet, she hadn't just happened to be somewhere else—she had refused to be there. She could have been there to show some support, but she chose not to. How many times had she let her down, hurt her feelings (whether directly or indirectly), or failed to live up to what Lexie wanted? Too many times, in Meredith's opinion, far too many times. And it's not like Lexie was really asking for much—she just wanted her half-sister to be friendly to her and have her back, even just in the workplace. It wouldn't have been terribly hard to just treat the girl like another human being and tell Cristina to stop giving her such a hard time.

But Lexie wouldn't want Meredith to beat herself up over any of that or dwell on the past, and that was the one thought Meredith had to hold on to. For Lexie's sake, she tried to keep the negative thoughts at bay. When doubts surfaced, she had to remind herself over and over and over until the guilt-ridden thoughts went away for the time being. And when she just couldn't seem to let that thought convince her—when all she could think about was all of those times that she wasn't there for Lexie—she instead tried to think of the times Lexie was there for her. Lexie had not only been a wonderful sister, but she was also a great friend—to Meredith and to anyone else she cared about.

The time that stuck out to her the most was a day shortly after she and Derek had lost custody of Zola. Derek was, at the time, furious with her for tampering with the Alzheimer's trial, and just the day before, she had been fired by the Chief. With no Zola, no job, and an enraged Derek that refused to talk to her, Meredith had had plenty of time to sit at home alone and stew in her thoughts. On that day, despite having quite a few of Meredith's open cases given to her, Lexie had come home earlier than Meredith had expected.

* * *

 _"This sucks," Meredith muttered out loud, slouching on the couch as she idly flipped through the TV channels. She had tried to occupy herself with anything she could think of, but after she had cleaned the house from top to bottom and done every single chore she could think of, she still found herself with copious amounts of time on her hands. She supposed she should be looking for a new job, but she just couldn't bring herself to try at the moment. It still felt surreal to her. Surely she hadn't actually been fired, right? Sure, Derek was pissed, but the Chief understood. He'd find some way to pull some strings or cash in a few favors. She just couldn't stand to think about the reality, so she instead chose to ignore it for the time being. Once the finality of it sunk in, she'd eventually pick herself up and find a job board somewhere. She was, after all, Meredith Grey._

 _Losing her job wasn't the worst part of the past few days, though. Losing custody of Zola was much, much worse. She had fallen in love with that sweet, beautiful baby, and now, after one (admittedly large, though, in her mind at least, somewhat justified) mistake, she may never be able to see her again. How could she have let this happen? She should've thought more about what she was doing. Had she known that meddling with the trial would be risky and could definitely have negative consequences on her career? Yes, but at the time, she hadn't truly thought about just how much she had to lose. Of course she wanted to help Adele, the patient. It was always the well-being of the patient that drove her so hard to do all that she could. She knew, realistically, that not everybody could be saved; but that was Adele Webber they were talking about—if she could just get the active agent, it would work and Adele would be fine. Maybe she and Richard could even patch things up. But in retrospect, she really should have stopped to think just a little bit more. She might have still made the same decision, but at least then she would know it was truly thought out and not just her mind going into save-the-patient-overdrive. Shouldn't she have realized that tampering with such a trial would compromise how she was seen legally? Shouldn't she have known that this very well could have happened? Maybe this was just a sign that she wasn't fit to be a mother, anyways. She should've been putting Zola, who would have soon been her daughter, first, even if her motive for helping Adele was a pure one. Yes, she tried to convince herself, perhaps that was a sign that she shouldn't be a mom. After all, she had had the worst mother in the world—she would be the worst mother in the world. Zola wouldn't want her._

 _But Zola did want her, the little voice in the back of her mind whispered. With a heavy heart, she remembered countless times when Zola had been upset or scared or crying and had immediately settled down when she (or Derek) came into the room or picked her up. Babies don't cease their tantrums for just anyone, after all. Babies like who they like. Maybe they don't truly dislike anyone quite yet, but they certainly have favorites. Despite her efforts to convince herself otherwise, she knew Zola had grown attached to both her and Derek, and now, because of her decision, she might never see her would-be parents again. She would go into foster care, a process that could last for years on end—switching houses every few weeks or months, having a new set of pseudo-parents and possibly siblings; a set of people little Zola would grow attached to, then soon enough be snatched away from only to be tossed into a new temporary "family." Meredith truly loved Zola, and if they didn't somehow win custody back, Zola would never know how much her and Derek (and so many other people) had loved her. She wouldn't remember either of them, nor any of the wonderful doctors who helped to save her life and care for her. She would never know any of that. That's what broke her heart the most—knowing that precious Zola would never remember how much she was loved by them; or even worse, she would never remember being loved at all for at least part of her life. _

_She could feel tears prick her eyes as she thought about Zola, but she shook her head slightly and stood from the couch, refusing to give in to the emotions. To her (perhaps subconsciously), giving into the emotion would be like accepting finality for all that had happened over the past couple days. It would be letting something bad win. So instead of continuing to get lost in thought, she went to the kitchen. Maybe she would try to cook something for dinner to get her mind off of her maddening thoughts. It was very unlikely that Derek would be home, but Lexie's shift ended in a few hours, and she almost always came right home after work, at least for a little while. How hard could it be to cook some basic casserole for dinner? No eggs, she reminded herself, remembering the nasty rash Lexie had gotten the last time Meredith cooked for her._ _Pulling things out of the fridge at random, she began chopping up some veggies and tried to keep her thoughts focused on the task at hand. Half an hour later, she had managed to create something that at least resembled food._ Good enough _, she decided as she slid it into the oven. She cleaned up the kitchen and then, left with literally nothing else to do, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat at the bar. She tried her best to think of nothing at all as she stared down at nothing in particular, but it became increasingly harder to avert her thoughts._

 _She let her eyes wander around the room, and when her gaze landed on—more like out—the window, she was surprised to see Lexie's car pulling into the driveway. She found it unusual that Lexie was home before the scheduled end of her shift, let alone today of all days. Upon Meredith's termination, her open cases had been distributed to other doctors, and Lexie had received quite a few of them. As angry as she was about being fired, she was glad her patients had gone to someone she knew and trusted and not some stranger. Maybe that had been the Chief's way of allowing Meredith to be kept in the loop a bit with the patients she had come to know. Lexie liked to talk, and she would certainly tell her sister about the cases that had once been hers._

 _She watched as Lexie got out of the car and walked up the walkway, and she soon heard the click of the front door being unlocked._

 _"Hey!" Lexie greeted cheerily as she pranced into the kitchen. She then seemed to catch a whiff of the casserole Meredith had made, and she glanced at the oven. "Are you, uh... Making something?" she asked somewhat warily, though still painting on a smile in an attempt to remain positive._

 _"Yeah," Meredith answered, "I made a casserole out of... Whatever was in the fridge. There's no eggs this time, though, I promise."_

 _"Good," Lexie laughed as she set her bag down on the counter. "I don't have any epinephrine on me." Ordinarily she would have poked some fun at Meredith for her innate inability to cook well, but with everything that had happened recently, it just didn't feel right. She didn't want to risk upsetting her older sister, either. Instead, she opened the oven door slightly and peered inside. "Looks... Interesting," she managed, trying her best not to make a face at the disturbing-looking dish in the oven._

 _"How was work?" Meredith asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Lexie often liked to talk about her day, and they often exchanged stories at night after they both got home and had settled down a bit. As much as Meredith tried to avoid thinking about the hospital, the truth was that Lexie still worked there, and she had a fair amount of Meredith's prior patients—it would be nearly impossible to avoid. And she did want to know how her—well, now Lexie's—patients were. She had gotten to know a few of them quite well, and she wished she could have personally told them they would be getting a new doctor. But they were in good hands with Lexie. Meredith might have had a bit more experience, sure; but there were plenty of people around for Lexie to find if she needed any help. She was pretty sure Little Grey would be just fine, though. "Anything exciting happen?"_

 _Lexie visibly tensed, quickly sensing the potential strain and awkwardness. Work was great, in all honestly—she had a load of new, interesting cases and surgery opportunities, and she loved getting to know her new patients. But those were previously Meredith's patients—patients she had come to know, and who had come to know her in return. They were supposed to be her sister's patients, cases, and surgeries, not her own. Sure, Meredith had made her own mistake, but she never would have thought the Chief would fire her. They should still be her patients, but instead they were Lexie's. She would, of course, be the absolute best doctor she could be for them, but Lexie didn't want to rub it in her Meredith's face. "Oh, uh, it was good," she fumbled, avoiding eye contact. "Busy, very busy. Lots to do, because, you know, because it's, it's a hospital. Just a normal shift! Anyways, how was your day?"_

 _"It was fine," she answered simply, not wanting to share how her day actually was—partially because she was a more private person, but also partially because she didn't want to dampen Lexie's spirits. She was clearly excited about the new cases, and Meredith didn't blame her. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as Meredith sipped her beer and Lexie stood there, awkwardly alternating her gaze between Meredith and everything else in the room. "I'm surprised you're home this early," Meredith remarked, breaking the tense noiselessness. "Figured you'd be running late with all the new cases."_

 _She hadn't said that with any bitterness or malice in her voice—she just genuinely thought Lexie would be late. But nonetheless, the latter tensed again. "Ha, yeah," she managed, following suit with Meredith and grabbing a beer from the fridge. She sat down on the stool next to her older sister, and they both turned slightly to face each other. "Bailey just, uh, she let me off early."_

 _Meredith said nothing, but she raised one eyebrow in suspicion. Bailey didn't "just" let someone go home early. There had to be a reason of some sort, because Bailey did not do anything without reason—that was one of the first things Meredith had learned from her. She didn't believe Lexie for a minute._

 _"Okay, I... I gave a couple of the cases to someone else," she admitted after realizing Meredith knew better than to believe her fabrication. "And I asked to leave a little early. Not by a lot or anything, just, um, a little bit."_

 _Once again, Meredith said nothing. Instead, she remained silent and continued giving Lexie a pointed look, silently asking her why._

 _"I just... It was a lot of work, and uh, a lot of cases. And I had a lot to do and keep track of, so I thought, you know, maybe someone else should get a case or two, 'cause why should I get all of them?" she rambled clumsily, trying to come up with a believable excuse. "April was looking kind of bored, after all, and I mean, she's a great doctor too! She'll do just fine. It's—"_

 _"Lexie," Meredith calmly interrupted, "cut the crap." She didn't doubt that April would do a fine job, but she didn't believe Lexie's reason whatsoever. They stared at each other for just a moment before Lexie sighed and looked down defeatedly._

 _"Okay, fine. I... I just felt really bad, okay? You got fired and yet I was reaping joy out of getting your cases, and I just, I felt bad about it so I gave a couple to April and asked to leave early. That's all."_

 _"Lexie, I'm glad you got my cases," Meredith told her honestly. "If I have to get fired, then I at least want my patients to go to someone I know and trust."_

 _Lexie glanced up. "Are you sure?"_

 _"Yes, I'm sure," she reaffirmed._

 _A small smile crossed Lexie's face. "Okay."_

 _They sat in silence once again, though it was a far more comfortable one than thirty seconds ago. Then, in a quieter voice, Lexie asked, "Hey, so... How are you doing?"_

 _Meredith knew she wasn't just asking as a pleasantry—if Lexie asked you how you were doing, she genuinely wanted to know. She didn't really want to talk about her feelings, though, so she chose to play dumb._

 _"Good, I cleaned the whole house today," she answered with a forced smile. "I think it's cleaner than it's been in thirty years. My mother would be proud. Well, maybe not proud, but at least not pissed."_

 _Refusing to verbally acknowledge the conversational red herring, Lexie repeated, "How are you actually doing?"_

 _"I said I'm fine, Lexie," she answered somewhat impatiently, though she didn't have the energy to actually get angry about it. She took a long swig of her beer before continuing to roll the bottle between her hands._

 _"Meredith," Lexie scolded, mockingly repeating what she had said a few minutes before. "Cut the crap."_

 _She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I'm fine. You don't have to keep asking. And you can't just steal my line like that."_

 _"You're not fine!" she exclaimed impatiently. Why couldn't Meredith just talk about her feelings once in a while? "You got fired, one of your best friends drunkenly turned on you, you lost custody of Zola, and your husband is pissed at you. There's no way you're fine."_

 _Meredith glanced up at Lexie and gave her a long look before returning her gaze to the drink in her hand. She felt those accursed feelings rise up again, but she did her best to push them back downwards._

 _"Lexie, I said I'm fine, it's just life happening. No big deal. I—"_

 _"No," the younger girl interrupted, "it's not fine, and it is a big deal. Look, I know you like to push people away when you're hurt and you like being all dark and twisty by yourself, or maybe just with Cristina. And I get that, I do. It's just... I care about you, too, can't you see that? If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked in the first place. I know you like pushing people away, but I... I mean, c'mon, I'm your sister... Please don't shut me out this time," she finished, trying not to sound as desperate as she felt. Meredith had been there for her on many occasions. Not all the times she could have been there, but then again, they weren't really that close at the beginning. To Lexie, those times Meredith wasn't there were just a thing of the past. Sure, it hurt at the time and she wished it hadn't taken quite so long to build a relationship with her, but she was beyond glad they were so close now, and she wouldn't trade it for anything. It didn't matter to her that Meredith hadn't always been there in the past—all that mattered was that there were countless times where she was there. Now, Lexie thought, it was her turn to be there for her older sister, if only she would let her in. _

_The last sentence came out so small and downcast that Meredith couldn't help but look up and meet her sister's sad-yet-caring eyes._ This time _. There had been so many other times when Meredith deliberately chose to push Lexie (and everyone else) away, and most times she succeeded. She could get by without getting all weepy over her feelings. For a moment, Lexie was afraid that Meredith would get mad, stand up, and leave the room—she couldn't say it would have been unlike her, really. But as Meredith looked at her sister, something in her whispered that it would be good to tell Lexie._

 _"Alright," she sighed in defeat. "I'm not good at this whole talking-about-your-feelings thing, but... I guess I've just been thinking about Zola a lot. It sucks that I got fired and whatever, but I can find a new job eventually. Derek won't stay mad forever, and Alex... Well, I'm sure we'll work it out eventually. But Zola... There's really no replacing her or fixing what happened. I mean, we might never get to see her again. She'll go into foster care and jump around from house to house, and she won't be able to remember that she had so many people here that loved her." A lump grew in her throat, but this time she only half-heartedly tried to force it down. "I mean, what if she never has a real family, Lex? What if she never knows what it's like to have two happy parents that love her and an aunt that adores her and one place to call home? Derek and I love her so much, and you love her, and... And she won't be able to remember that. What if she never remembers being loved?"_

 _She felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks as she met her sister's also-watery gaze. Lexie opened and closed her mouth several times like she was going to say something, but she just couldn't seem to get the right words formulated. "I... I don't know," she answered honestly, because she really didn't. She had no idea what would happen. She wanted to reassure her older sibling, to tell her it would be okay and that they'd figure something out, but that was a promise she knew she had no control over._

 _Meredith turned away slightly and gripped her now-empty bottle with both hands, willing the tears to stop. They wouldn't, of course, and her breathing was now becoming uneven as she fought to hold back sobs._

 _"I'm sorry," Lexie murmured quietly, unable to come up with a better response. Standing from the stool where she sat, she gently pried the bottle from her sister's grip and wrapped her arms around Meredith's shaking frame. "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something to help you. I'd trade places in a heartbeat."_

 _She shook her head at nothing in particular as tears continued to find their way down her flushed face. She felt Lexie's arms around her and she let out a sob, unable to contain it any longer. "Wh-what if she... She's never loved that m-much again?" she choked brokenly, returning the embrace and now openly sobbing._

 _"I'm sorry," Lexie repeated, "I wish I could make it hurt less." She wished with her entire being that there was something else she could do or say, because 'I'm sorry' just seemed so inadequate. But since she couldn't think of anything, she just gently rubbed her sister's back and let her cry._

 _After a while, her sobs subsided to occasional whimpers, and she eventually pulled away and wiped her eyes on her sleeve._

 _"Are you okay?" the brunette asked tentatively._

 _Meredith sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks," she added, even managing a small smile. "Really."_

 _"Anytime," Lexie replied sincerely, returning the grin. She hated to see Mer in so much pain, but she was happy her sister had trusted her enough to tell her how she was feeling. It wasn't an easy thing for her to do, that she knew for sure. It just meant that much more to Lexie._

 _Just then, a shrill beeping began piercing through the air, and they just then realized smoke was beginning to seep out of the oven._

 _"Oh!" Lexie exclaimed in surprise, and Meredith jumped a little, too._

 _"Oh crap, I completely forgot about the casserole!"_

 _Lexie quickly scampered around the counter and cracked open the oven door. Dark smoke poured out of the appliance and she coughed a few times. Nothing was on fire, but whatever that semblance of food had been was burned to a crisp._

 _"Whelp, there goes dinner," Meredith muttered, standing and joining Lexie at the oven. She turned the oven off and used an oven mitt to pull out the scorched casserole._

 _"That's okay," Lexie laughed, silently relieved that she didn't have to eat... Whatever that was supposed to be. Even when she had looked at it before when it wasn't burnt, it didn't look like something she would've enjoyed consuming. "Why don't we just order pizza instead? I'll buy," she offered with a smile. "And we can even watch crappy sitcoms on TV."_

 _Meredith laughed in spite of herself. "Pizza and crappy sitcoms sound good," she smiled._

 _And that's how the rest of the night was spent: talking, laughing, eating pizza, and making fun of horrible television shows. Though her heart still hurt over Zola's and Derek's absences, it hurt a little less knowing her bright, smiling little sister had her back._

* * *

She had been sitting there—in the attic on the bed that had been Lexie's—for so long that she didn't even notice that the CD she had been listening to had long since cycled through all the songs and fallen silent. She probably could have sat there and thought for quite a bit longer, but the doorbell rang, thus interrupting her soundless musing. _Cristina must be here with Zola_ , she thought to herself, and her heart warmed a bit at the thought. Lexie was gone, but at least she still had little Zola to bring some light into her life. And thank God she had Cristina to be all dark and twisty with on the days the light seemed to dim.

With a light sigh, she stood from the bed, took one last look around the room for the time being, and headed downstairs to answer the door.

* * *

A/N: Alright, that's it for this chapter! There will be two more chapters, I have decided. I'm really enjoying this storyline of Mer/Lex flashbacks, and I keep getting new ideas. I'm not sure how canon some of the surrounding information is in here, but I don't feel like re-watching old episodes to figure it out, so I just did the best I could with the wikia pages, haha. Please let me know what you thought in a review! Thanks for reading! (:


	5. Chapter 5: Stone

Hi Grey's readers! Well, it's been quite a while since I last updated, but life got busy and sometimes writer's block really gets to you. This, I have decided, is the last chapter to this songfic. I thought I was able to tie it together nicely in a semi-realistic way. This chapter might be a little confusing, and I don't want to give it away by explaining beforehand. I think you'll figure it out, but if not, I'll explain at the end.

A huge thanks to Patsy and a couple guests who left me nice reviews on my last couple chapters! I really appreciate your continued support. I know I posted at some really weird times and probably not very many people saw it, but hopefully you enjoy this anyways!

* * *

It really sinks in, you know  
When I see it in stone

As Meredith descended the stairs to answer the door, she felt a tugging in her heart, one that hadn't presented itself in at least a month. She knew what that meant, what it felt like. Hopefully Cristina wouldn't mind watching Zola for another hour or so.

"Look, Zola, it's mommy!" Cristina exclaimed when Meredith opened the door. She bounced the girl on her hip and Zola giggled, cheerfully reaching out towards her mother. Meredith instantly brightened as she took her daughter in her arms and gave her a squeeze.

"Were you good for Auntie Cristina?" The little girl's only response was an emphatic laugh.

"She was a very good girl," Cristina relayed in a baby-talk voice. "You only fussed when you were hungry, didn't you?" Zola again replied with a hearty giggle.

"That's my sweet girl," she praised, giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead. "I bet you're tired from all that playing, huh?"

"She fell asleep in the car on the way here," Cristina laughed, reverting her voice back to its normal octave.

"I believe it," Meredith chuckled. Resting Zola on her hip, she turned back to Cristina. "Hey, so I know you've had her all day, but would you mind watching her for just another hour or so?"

"Seriously?" her friend demanded. "You had all day, what could you possibly—"

"It was a Lexie day," she interrupted quietly, casting her gaze downwards.

"Oh," she said, annoyance immediately ceasing. "You haven't had one of those in a while."

"Yeah, I know. I don't know what it was. First I was looking at the pictures on the fireplace, then I looked at the scrapbook she gave me, then I somehow ended up in the attic listening to one of those old CDs of hers, and... I don't know. It was a Lexie day." Realizing her friend had taken care of Zola all day and was probably tired, and quickly said, "I'm sorry, you've had her all day, you can go get some sleep. Lexie will still be there when I wake up," she added. The comment was pretty dark and twisty if she did say so herself, but it was really one of the only guarantees—that no matter what, Lexie would still be dead, and nothing she could do (or not do) would change that.

"No, it's okay," she quickly reassured. "I'll watch her a little longer. She'll probably pass out, anyways."

"Are you sure?" the blonde asked, studying her person's expression.

"Of course I'm sure," Cristina replied, touching Meredith's arm. "Go on."

"Thank you," she smiled, handing an already-drowsing Zola back to Cristina. She grabbed the same sweater and again threw it over her arms before grabbing her keys and heading for the door. She drove with the windows down, the way Lexie always liked—not all the way down, but opened just enough for her arm to hang out and feel the air rushing through her fingers. It had turned into a relatively cool night, and the stars couldn't have been brighter. As she pulled into the cemetery, she caught sight of the moon. It was a full moon, as it turned out—the kind of moon that her sister would stare at and marvel about how pretty it was. Meredith had found her astronomical fascination amusing and even charming, but she rarely ever took the time to actually look at what Lexie was going on and on about. Now, as she got out of her car, she tilted her head upwards to stare at the bright, white sphere glowing in the otherwise-black sky. She allowed her eyes to flit shut for just a few moments as she breathed in the sweet taste of the atmosphere. In those few moments her eyes were shut, she swore she could almost feel her little sister's presence next to her.

 _Lexie stood beside her older sister and they both stared up at the beautiful full moon. "I wish you could see me," she whispered sadly, watching Meredith close her eyes and take in a deep breath of the cool, night air. Her sister hadn't visited in a while, and though Lexie loved to see her, she was glad Meredith was able to get on with her life. It bothered her at first when Meredith didn't visit for a few days, and it even made her a bit sad at the thought that she might be forgetting her. But George had reminded her that it was a good thing, really—it meant Meredith was beginning to heal. She understood that, deep down, and she knew her sister would always miss her, that she would never forget her. Even though she couldn't see or hear her, Lexie looked forward to the nights her sibling would drive to the cemetery and talk to her. It pained her that Meredith couldn't hear her response, but she liked to think she could at least feel her presence somehow._

Meredith felt a deep longing inside of her along with a dull sadness that she had nearly grown accustomed to feeling. She forced herself to open her eyes before she could linger on the thought any longer. Shaking her head slightly, she shoved her hands in her pockets and padded over to a plot of land she had been to all-too-frequently. Even in the poorly-lit cemetery, she knew her way to that plot like the back of her hand. As she approached the small stone, her sister's stone-carved name came into focus: "Alexandra 'Lexie' Caroline Grey, July 12th, 1984-May 5th, 2012. Loving daughter, sister, and friend _."_ She crouched down and gingerly ran her fingers over the cold marble stone, allowing herself to feel some of the things she tried so hard to suppress. How small, Meredith thought, was that little dash in between her birth and death date, and how short her life had really been.

 _Lexie followed beside her and stood behind the stone while Meredith crouched in front of it._

"I missed you more than usual today," she said softly, more for her own comfort than anything else. "I know you can't hear me, but I just... I missed you a lot today. I still miss you a lot."

 _"I can hear you, Mer," Lexie murmured, breath catching in her throat. "I just wish you could hear me. I miss you, too."_

"I looked at that scrapbook you gave me again... I still remember how excited you were to give that to me. You couldn't even wait for one more person to open their present, you just jumped up like a little kid," she continued, chuckling lightly at the memory.

 _"I remember that Christmas like it was yesterday." She touched the silver necklace resting on her chest and ran her finger over the indented metal._

"You kept apologizing for the scrapbooking job, but I honestly thought— _think_ —it looks great."

 _"It looks awful," Lexie laughed, shaking her head. She had worked on that thing for weeks on end, but she wasn't a particularly creative person when it came to arts and crafts. She did her best, but she was pretty sure just about anybody could make a more attractive scrapbook. "My handwriting is terrible."_

"It was from you, Lex, and it's the best gift I've ever received to this day."

 _Lexie smiled. "Aww."_

"And remember that time I caught you having a solo dance party in your room? God, you were so embarrassed."

 _"Yeah, that ranked pretty high on my list of embarrassing moments. That one falls just below having Derek walk in while I was naked and accidentally saying 'How?' when Bobby Corso's wife said she was pregnant. That one was really bad."_

A smile tugged at her lips and she gave into it, but it soon subsided as she thought about all the things she never got to say to her sister. "I'm sorry," she suddenly said, sadness clear in her voice as tears pricked her eyes. "I'm sorry that I was a crappy big sister at first."

 _"What?" Lexie exclaimed, emotion surging through her as tears formed in her own eyes. "No, no, it's okay. Don't..."_

"I was awful to you. I let Cristina make fun of you, _I_ made fun of you... I let the other residents joke about you, I let you get hurt without warning and I wasn't even there to help you up when you were down. I should've stuck up for you, Lex, I'm so sorry. I'm never going to be able to get over that."

 _Several tears found their way out of her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away. Who the hell was going to see them, anyways? "No, no, stop, please," she begged, wishing so badly that her sister could hear her. "I forgive you, it's okay. Please don't." She knew her sister couldn't hear her, but it hurt too much to keep her pleas inside._

"And I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't there when you..." She choked on a sob, unable to finish her sentence. "I'm sorry I wasn't there that day for you, to tell you all the things I'm saying now, and to hold your hand and tell you it was gonna be okay. I should've been there, but I left, and I'm so sorry."

 _"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," she repeated futilely, voice growing quieter and quieter as more tears streaked down her cheeks. She walked around the stone and knelt next to her sister, wishing with every fiber of her being that Meredith could hear her and know how she felt. "You were just in shock, you had no idea I was going to... I know you would've been there if you had known."_

"I always left you, Lex, I was never there when I should have been. And when the plane... When you were trapped under that stupid metal, I wasn't there for you. I'm always going to regret that." She was glad Mark had been there and Lexie hadn't been alone, but she would always, always regret not being there too. She was her family, her _blood_ , and she wasn't even able to say goodbye.

 _"Don't, please. Don't regret that. You didn't do anything wrong. You were there for me so many other times." To her, every reassuring smile, every hug, every pat on the back or word of affirmation was a gesture of her sister being there for her. Every time Meredith stayed up late to talk or watch horrible movies or listen to her vent—even when Lexie knew she was exhausted—was being there for her. Every little smile or laugh or joke shared meant more to Lexie than she ever thought possible. Maybe Mer hadn't been there when she died, but she wasn't holding that against her. She was in shock, she didn't realize what was happening—she didn't know Lexie was dying. But the countless other times she had been there more than made up for it. Thinking back, she wasn't sure how she would've gotten through the last few years of her life without her sister's love and support and friendship. She couldn't have made it in that hospital without Meredith having her back. "I'm sorry, too, for leaving you." Dying wasn't really something she had wanted to do that day, of course, but she wanted to apologize nonetheless. She really was sorry for dying, in more ways than one. "I'm sorry that you're hurting and I can't be there to comfort you."_

"I know I shouldn't blame myself, and I know you wouldn't want me to. Most of the time I know it's not my fault, but some days I just... I really miss you, Lex, and some part of me always feels like I wasn't a good enough sister or friend to you." She saw something move out of the corner of her eye just then, and she turned her head to the left for just a moment.

 _As Meredith turned her head towards her, her heart skipped a beat. She knew she wasn't actually looking at her, that she couldn't see or hear her; but it felt nice to pretend she was. "You were an amazing sister," she whispered almost inaudibly, heart aching as she looked at her sister whose gaze almost met hers and lingered for a moment, but fell just past her. Meredith certainly wasn't what her fantasies were expecting, but she wouldn't have wanted things any other way. Sure, it sucked at first, but she should have known she couldn't just randomly drop into someone's life and expect that person to want to be her best friend. Especially not under the circumstances. She knew that even before she had died, and she had never held that against her. What good would that have done,_ anyways?

Maybe missing Lexie was making her go crazy today, but she swore she could almost hear her sister telling her it was okay. She liked to pretend that Lexie was near her somewhere, in whatever world she was in now, and could hear her and was maybe even replying. She knew that was really, really unlikely, but it was comforting to think she wasn't just talking to thin air. Her mind began to wander, and suddenly an image of her daughter consumed her thoughts. Although it hadn't even been a year since Lexie's death, babies grow fast, and Zola already looked so much older than when Lexie last saw her. "I wish you could see Zola now," she lamented quietly, involuntarily smiling at the thought of Lexie playing with Zola. It made her incredibly sad to know that Lexie wouldn't get to see her niece grow up. It hurt even worse knowing that her daughter wouldn't really have any first-hand memories of the aunt that had loved her so, so much. She and Derek would raise Zola to know about Lexie, of course, and she had promised herself she would always tell Zola stories and show her pictures. She vowed to make sure that her daughter knew about her deceased aunt, and knew just how much she had loved her. "She's beautiful," she continued, thinking of her daughter's smiling face and joyful laugh. "She's getting so big, we have to buy her new clothes every few months."

 _"I wish I could see her, too. I'm so sad I won't be able to see her grow up."_

"I never told you this, but... A week or so after you died, Zola wandered up to the attic, and when I got up there, I found her pulling at your bedsheets and saying your name. It sounded more like 'wez-ee' instead of Lexie, but I knew what she meant. I cried for a good hour after that."

 _Her soul ached at the mere image and she blinked away tears. It broke her heart knowing she would miss all the big milestones of Zola's life—all the firsts and the things she would accomplish, every birthday and holiday, or the sports games or piano recitals or whatever she chose to do. She hoped Meredith would bring Zola with to the cemetery sometime in the future. Not now, of course, as the place really was kind of creepy sometimes; but sometime in the future, when she was ready. In regards to Zola, she held on to the hope that she'd be able to see her in the future, if even for a few minutes._

"Everyone still really misses you," she continued, unable to avoid the negative thoughts that kept filling her mind. "Derek does, too. He doesn't say it as often, but he does miss you. You were his family, but he also saw this amazing potential in you for neuro. I saw it too, Lex, everyone could. You were amazing at what you did."

 _"I miss everyone, too," she replied, saddened at the thought of all the things she could've done but was never able to do. She had loved neuro, and she had loved being mentored by Derek. More importantly, she had loved working alongside her sister and other people who became her best friends. "Keep kicking surgical ass for me, okay? Do all the things I didn't get the chance to do."_

"I'm going to keep working extra hard for you," Meredith promised, feeling the sudden urge to voice what she was thinking again. "It will never make up for all the amazing things you could've done, but I'm going to keep working hard and keep the Grey name strong. I'll make you proud, Lex, I swear."

 _"You already make me proud, Mer."_

Unable to put any more of her thoughts into words, she sat silently for a few minutes, staring at her sister's name carved into the smooth stone. How she wished that 2012 date wasn't there, that she was still living in the dash in between. It didn't hurt as bad as it did in the first few weeks and months following the crash, but not a day went by that she didn't think of Lexie and miss her deeply. Though the wound had scabbed over and she knew it would slowly fade, there would always be a scar—a mark Lexie left on her, a hole in her heart that nobody else would ever be able to fill. She had accepted that Lexie was dead, but she would never get over missing her.

 _Lexie watched her sister's expression as they both sat side by side, neither talking or moving. She knew Meredith would have to go soon and get back to her life. Cristina was probably watching Zola, and Derek was probably just getting off work. Most of her other friends were either just leaving from the hospital or getting ready to start their shifts. Life, she realized, was still going on, and she was missing it. That thought saddened her, but it brought her comfort knowing that—just like with George and Mark and everyone of their friends they had lost before—they would see each other again in this odd parallel world. Of course, for her sister's sake, she hoped it wouldn't be soon—she wanted to watch Meredith become the greatest surgeon there ever was and be an even more wonderful mother to Zola and have more kids and do more things. Yes, that she wanted to see first before being reunited. But until then, she had to be content with these short, unpredictable, seemingly one-sided conversations. She wished there could be more, somehow, but she knew that wasn't the case._

Finally, after several minutes had passed, Meredith stood up and took a step back. "Well, Cristina's been watching Zola the entire day and Derek will be home soon, so I should probably get back to them."

 _Lexie stood, too, and turned so she was facing her sister. "I wish you didn't have to go."_

"I wish I could stay longer, but I'll try to come back soon. I know you can't hear me and I probably sound crazy to anyone that might be listening, but I somehow feel like I'm actually talking to you. I guess all of Zola's pretending is rubbing off on me."

 _"You are talking to me, I can hear you. I wish you could hear me, too."_

She looked down at the stone one last time, at her sister's name and her birth date and the dash and that stupid death date. "I miss you every day, Lexie. I love you so much."

 _"I love you, Mer, I miss you and Zola and everyone so much and I wish you didn't have to go." Though she knew her sister wouldn't feel it, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Meredith and held on tight, willing her not to leave. "I love you."_

Despite the cool air, she suddenly felt a rush of warmth around her, like a warm breath from the lips of a flame. It only lasted a few moments, but a few moments was all she needed. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but Meredith preferred to believe it was Lexie sending her some sort of sign. A smile found its way to her face, and even as the warmth faded, the smile remained.

 _Meredith looked ahead of her, and for just a split second, she seemed to look right at Lexie. Her gaze flitted away in the blink of an eye, and she knew she hadn't actually seen her. But just for a tiny moment, she had felt a small connection._

"I think I'll tell Zola a story about you tonight," Meredith decided as she pulled her keys from her pocket.

 _"Please make it a good one," she laughed, well aware of all the embarrassing stories she could possibly think to tell Zo._

"I'll try to make it a nice one this time," she promised, almost able to hear Lexie's inevitable protests about avoiding the cringeworthy ones.

 _"Thank you."_

Just as she turned to leave, she hesitated. Turning back around for just a moment, she said, "Bye, Lex. I love you."

 _She watched silently as her older sister turned and walked away, weaving back through the various stones on the path she had taken earlier. She watched with a bittersweet feeling as Meredith got in her car, started it, and drove away. She watched the tail lights on the car until they became little pinpricks of red light before fading altogether. "I love you, too."_

* * *

And there we have it! I know that took a bit of a supernatural turn, and I know it's bittersweet, but I'm kind of one of those people that doesn't like to end all stories with a "happily ever after," because the truth is, life doesn't always end like that. Sometimes it's messy and sad and filled with regrets. I almost wrote it so that Meredith can somehow see and talk to Lexie and they get a bit of closure, but that didn't seem quite right to me. So instead I chose this way. If you had trouble figuring it out, the words in italics are from Lexie's point of view. She was in the cemetery as well, but she's in some unnamed parallel world where she can see and hear everything going on, but nobody she's around can see or hear her. I hope that made sense!

If you liked how this ended (or didn't), please leave a review! I'm considering doing a longer story like this one with sort of the supernatural element in it. I like the idea of Lexie and Meredith being able to somehow communicate. Not in the same way, obviously, but I like the idea that they both still hold onto the relationship they had with each other. If you noticed, I also referenced a couple other deceased characters in there. In that weird parallel world, I like to think everyone who's died can be together. They go off and do their own thing and see whoever they want to see, but they can also be together and talk and stuff. I think that would be an interesting AU. Let me know if that sounds interesting to you!

Also, I apologize for any typos. I tried to edit it but I just wanted to get it posted.

ANYWAYS, I hope you liked this, and I hope you'll tune into which ever story I write next! (: Thanks so much for reading!


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